Page 61 of Stay this Christmas
The rope connected to my harness went taut, and my eyes shot open. My heart rate ratcheted up, and my lungs ached like that rope had looped around them, too, squeezing my rib cage.
“I’ve got you,” Sam called. “Just let go.”
I couldn’t swallow as cold fear gripped me tight.
What if I fall?
What if something goes wrong?
So high up. This had been a terrible choice for my Life List. More like Near-Death List.
Trust me.
Trust me.
Trust me.
I let go of the holds.
He didn’t even let me drop as he took my weight, but slowly began lowering me down the wall, fast enough I knew this would all be over soon, but not so fast it spiked my panic any worse. My waist and thighs didn’t love the makeshift chair the harness made, but the straps held strong.
My feet touched the mat, and I steadied myself against the wall. Turning, I saw Sam coming toward me, and I launched myself at him. Our harnesses clattered between us, the rope hanging to one side as I burrowed against him, burying my face in his neck.
“I’ve got you,” he soothed, his mouth at my ear. “You’re safe.”
I crushed myself to him, needing to shut out the rest of the gym and put my panic far behind me. Every stroke of his hands along my head and back seemed to melt my fears away, grounding me again, reassuring me. My heart rate came down to almost normal levels, my breathing finally evening out as I relaxed against him.
Safe.
I sighed, savoring the warmth of his embrace, how perfect it felt to be nestled this way.
I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been held like this. I touched people all day at work, but right then in his arms, I realized I’d been longing for a more personal kind of touch. Sam held me with a tenderness and familiarity I wanted to cling tight to. I could stand here cocooned in his arms smelling the minty spice of the soap on his skin for days.
But…we were in the middle of a crowded gym, after all. Probably some climbing etiquette against prolonged snuggling, especially when surrounded by children.
I pulled back just enough to look Sam in the eye. “I crushed it, right?”
His smile banished the worst of my panic, soothing the last of that frantic fear. He moved his hands from my back and over my shoulders to cup my cheeks.
“Never been prouder.”
My breathing stilled as he leaned in to press a kiss to my forehead, his mouth soft and warm on my skin for barely a second before he drew back. I thought he might kiss me for real, but he just held me that way, watching me. Making sure I was okay.
One hand slid to my neck, lightly hovering over my racing pulse point. Again, weird to find his care and responsibility so attractive, but knowing he was checking on me stoked a fire deep in my chest. A fire I’d once thought long-gone but knew now had never truly died out.
A child ran by, drawing my eyes to the people around us, the adults belaying and cheering from the mats, the children on the walls.
“Did everyone just see me have a panic attack up there?” I asked.
“Nope.” His hands moved lower to squeeze my biceps. “They don’t have a clue. Everyone’s too busy doing their own thing and making sure their kids are safe.”
“So, justyousaw me have a panic attack up there.”
“Just me.”
He slowly released me, stepping back to give us space I wasn’t sure I wanted anymore.
“We should probably get you out of this. Unless you want to try again?”
