Page 80 of Make it Real
“I promised your mom I’d take care of you.”
Her sudden sadness poked a hundred tiny needles in my heart.
“You have taken care of me, Gran. You’ve taken the absolute best care of me for almost eight years.”
Her soft smile didn’t look all that convinced. Did she think she’d been anything less than the best grandma and guardian and trusted friend in all that time?
“You were always there for me. Whether I needed advice or a pep talk or just a kick in the pants.” That perked her smile up a touch. “I couldn’t have got through these last years without you.”
“I don’t have to go.” Different from her threats to stay behind, this came out like a question, an offering she hoped I’d take.
“Gran.” I paused, unsure I wanted to open this particular can of worms. “Do youwantto go to Florida with the others?”
I’d never really considered the idea she might not want to go to Florida. She’d written off her misgivings as worry for me, and I’d accepted that without digging deeper. But she’d lived in Magnolia Ridge almost her entire life, had decades of friends and connections and memories here. Maybe she’d been dragging her feet because of her own doubts that had nothing to do with me.
“Of course I do.”
Okay, maybe not.
“Those women are the sisters I never had. We’ve seen each other through weddings, divorce, grief, and loss. We can fight like cats, but we’re bonded like family. We’ve been talking about Florida since before you were born.” She twisted the wedding ring she still wore on her left hand. “Doesn’t mean it’s not hard to leave you. I feel like maybe I’m failing you somehow if I go.”
“Gran.” I fought against the clothes piled on me until I freed myself so I could sit next to her on the bed. I wrapped an arm around her waist and rested the side of my head against hers. “You’re not failing me. But you can’t take care of me forever.”
“I know it. I do. Still isn’t easy.”
“You know I’ll miss you.” I kept my voice nice and soft so it wouldn’t scare tears out.
“Oh, honey. I’m going to leave half my heart here with you. I’m so glad you have Jed now. I’ll sleep a little easier at night knowing he’ll be nearby.”
My pre-emptive sorrow squeezed and twisted, turning into a slimy layer of guilt. I had to believe that in the end, getting her to Florida would justify the way I’d gone about it. Even if right this very minute, I felt like the worst granddaughter in the world for getting her hopes up about Jed this way.
And just a tiny bit like the worst fake girlfriend in the world for getting my own hopes up.
“But not too nearby!” she added.
I laughed, sweeping away my guilty confessions for later. “Mom would want you to have this, you know.”
Her arm tightened around me. “Now, don’t you make me cry.”
“It’s true, though. She would have booked the movers herself and packed your things when you weren’t looking.”
Gran laughed, wiping one hand beneath each eye. “Would have taken more trips to the donation center, too. Your mom never saw the need to hold onto things that weren’t important.”
Growing up, my mom’s spring cleanings had been serious business. I hadn’t developed the same Marie Kondo attitude when it came to pruning my stuff, but I tried to keep things neat and tidy, for her sake. And maybe it was silly, but thinking about my mom made me speak up.
Even if it was just to refuse old hand-me-downs, I needed to say out loud what I wanted.
“Gran, I don’t want your old clothes.” I pointed at the twisted bundle I’d escaped from.
She looked from the clothes to me. “You just said you did. You fibbed to me?”
Probably not the time to go into everything I’d been fibbing about—littleandbig. One confrontation at a time. “The truth is…I wouldn’t be sorry to never see those polyester pants again.”
Her sweet laughter broke free. “Let’s bag it all up for donation right now.”
We folded the clothes and tucked them away, relieving their burden both on Granny’s room and my makeshift closet.
“You know,” she said, carefully creasing those awful pants, “for as much as your mom could get rid of things that didn’t matter, she sure held onto the ones that did and kept them close. That girl had so much enthusiasm for life, and spread her joy around freely. She never loved with half her heart.
