Page 109 of Make Mine Sweet
“And help me ride my bike?”
“I think you’re doing a pretty good job already. But absolutely.”
He nods. “Okay. Night, Ian.”
“Goodnight, buddy.” I kiss his forehead and leave the room, calling Dutch to follow.
In the kitchen, Tess is waiting for me. My heart thumps a painful beat, desperate to get closer to her. “Do you want to watch a movie or something?”
The bone-deep need to tell her I love her is being edged out by nerves, of all things. I have no experience with these kinds of conversations. Declarations. Am I supposed to do something romantic, set the scene, just blurt it out and lay everything on the line?
I’ve never said those words to a woman before. The idea feels like a steeper climb than I would have thought. It’s a bit like those dreams where I’m back in high school, taking an important test I didn’t study for, and also, I forgot to put on pants. I’ve never felt so unqualified.
I’m fully clothed, at least, but drastically unprepared.
“Maybe we could go outside?” she says.
I nod and follow her onto the back patio. Stars shine overhead, our faces visible by the soft glow coming from her apartment. I thought we were heading to the deck chairs or maybe the coals in the fire pit, but Tess stands at the edge of the patio, her arms wrapped around herself.
“Hard to say, but I think August had a good time,” I tell her.
Especially when we played the game where people randomly get splatted in the face by a dollop of whipped cream. Wren, Griffin, and I got messy, but August came out unscathed. I don’t want to call the kid a cheater, but…
She exhales a soft laugh. “Pretty sure he’ll never forget it.”
She winces as if something hurts, like the night I tended her scraped elbow.
I move a step closer. “What’s wrong?”
She shrugs, her expression hard to read in the weak light.
I rub a hand across her upper back. “Talk to me, angel.”
All the discussion about her cake business might have been too much, right there in front of her mom. Hopefully, it didn’t make her doubt herself or what she wants. She was a vision this afternoon, so certain she’s ready to take this next step for herself. I don’t want her to let that spark die out.
Tess sucks in a breath like she’s preparing to dive into the ocean. “I don’t think I can do this.”
“Do what?” But I already know. I hear it in her voice. It’s not her cake business she’s doubting. It’s me.
My ribcage aches as if someone’s tightening a slip knot around me.
“I don’t think it’s a good idea for us to keep seeing each other…like this.”
Funny how a whisper can echo louder than any shout. My ears pound with it.
I let my hand fall away from her back, all the words I wanted to say to her disintegrating like ice in a lava flow. The feelings behind them don’t fade, though. They burn me up from the inside.
“Why not?” As if I want to know all the reasons she thinks I’m not a good bet. I could list them for her. Just give me a paper and pen.
“I need to make good decisions.” She’s stoic, like she’s reading off a notecard, something she planned in advance to say when the time was right.
Or everything went wrong.
“And I would be a bad decision.” It’s not even a question. Of course I would. I’m thirty-seven and I’ve never had a lasting relationship. I’m out of work and not even looking for a job. I don’t know the first thing about being a good dad to August.
Why does that one feel like the biggest failure of all?
She turns to face me. “How long are you staying in Sunshine?”
