Page 58 of One Small Spark
My stomach sinks as though that’s a distinct possibilityalready. Logically, I know I’m not going to throw up. It’s my body’s physiological response to the anxiety coursing through my system like a typhoon. But in this moment, I can’t shake the idea I’m going to vomit in the middle of my store, in front of Lila and the woman I?—
My stomach lurches.
I take a big step backward. “I’ll help you with the details, but someone else can give the presentation. Maybe Palmer.”
Lila’s gaze shifts to my employee who’s still working with the man and his daughter, before landing back on me. “We’ll have the best shot if it’s you, though. I thought you’d want to take the lead after coming up with the whole concept and drawing up the plans. You’re the one who’s most invested.”
I can’t address the question she’s delicately avoiding.Whywon’t I do it? Blood pounds in my ears, drowning out everything else. “I have to take care of something in the back. We can talk more about this later.”
Ignoring Lila’s soft sound of protest and Wren’s rapt stare, I escape into the back. I cross the room, shaking out my hands and willing my body to knock it off. I’m not being chased by a predator—I’m just imagining myself giving a twenty-minute presentation in front of a hundred people.
I’d rather take my chances with the predator.
I should have known just passing along information wouldn’t be enough to get these trails built. I thought I could serve as a consultant or something, not be the guy up on stage trying to win over a crowd.
There’s a reason I largely work alone, and it’s not because I’m a control freak. Mix too many people with too much attention and say goodbye to my rational brain. My fight-or-flight mode takes over, and I freeze up. Panic. Lose every last ounce of calm.
No matter what Lila thinks, I can’t give the presentation.Even if I managed to keep my body in line, my brain will power down and I’ll lose the interest of everyone in the room. Become a public spectacleanda public failure. My worst nightmare on every level.
“Shepherd?”
I stop with my back to her, closing my eyes to bask in the sound of my name on her lips. I always knew the woman played dirty.Nowshe wants to go all soft and gentle on me?
I turn around, hoping I at least look like I’ve got a handle on this, but Wren’s already right in front of me, barely a foot away. She looks me over, taking in my hands still opening and closing, pausing on my chest rising and falling with shallow breaths, and ending by staring into my eyes.
I’ve waited a long time for her to truly see me, but I never wanted her to witness this.
She draws closer until we’re toe to toe. Still watching me carefully, she takes both of my hands in hers. “Breathe with me. In for three.” She inhales slowly. “Hold for three. Out for three.”
I follow her lead, taking the slow breaths I should have resorted to in the first place. Never breaking eye contact, she guides my breathing, draining the tension out of me as expertly as if she’s shifting my anxiety into a lower gear. After several minutes, my hands become loose again, and my heart rate slows to normal.
She goes on looking up at me, her deep blue eyes piercing straight through my heart. “You really don’t want to give that presentation.”
I exhale a soft laugh. “No, I do not. How did you know to do this?”
She’s still holding my hands, her fingers lightly moving over my skin in time with our slow breaths. I’d like to stand here with her touching me forever, despite the light scent of grease and rubber all around us.
“When August was first diagnosed with diabetes, he had a few emergency trips to the hospital. They triggered panic attacks in Tess.”
Her thumbs work soft circles over the backs of my hands. I’ve never felt anything more soothing.
“Not you, though.”
She tips up her nose. “I’m a rock. But it was scary to see him like that. He was such a tiny thing to be so sick. We felt so helpless, all we could do was watch and hope.”
There’s so much genuine love radiating from her, her fear for him hurts, no matter how long ago it happened. She’s devoted to her nephew, and it’s obvious she would do anything for her family. Including learn how to recognize and quiet her sister’s panic attacks.
My dragon treasure hoard is overflowing.
“Tess’s response was understandable.” Her child was in an actual life-or-death situation. Any parent could have had a similar reaction. She wasn’t simply contemplating a brief foray into public speaking.
Wren’s small smile tells me she sees right through that comment. “Anxiety doesn’t always have to make sense, though.”
I appreciate that she’s encouraging me to open that door to her, but I’m still coming down from a panic rush. I can’t get into it right now. I will—just not today.
When it’s obvious I’m not going to say more, she gently squeezes my hands. “I should get back to work. I’ve left Mom alone for a long time already. Do you need anything?”
You. Always and only.
