Page 11 of For the Plot
Nikki
TheveinsonJames’sarms bulged as he pressed his forearms further into the edge of the bar, and my eyes tracedalong the black lines of the tattoo on the inside of his right forearm. It was the molecular breakdown of caffeine, in honor of his coffee addition. Our shared love of that magical bean was the first thing we bonded over.
James nodded his head towards Dumb and Dumber, leaning in to murmur, “How long have they been at this?”
I take in his profile. The dusting of reddish-tinged dark brown scruff. Hair reaching his ears, wave pattern just barely discernable. Hazel eyes glinting jovially behind his wire-framed glasses.
His jawline hid behind the soft roundness of his face, the slightly rounded belly of his "dad bod" pressing where his shirt was tucked into his jeans under his open flannel. And his nails were painted—currently a dark enough blue that they almost looked black—only slightly beginning to chip at the edges.
I had never really paid much attention to his physical appearance, never noticed the space he took up or the way he moved. But ever since our conversation last night, I couldn’tstopthinking about it. James cleared his throat, and I remembered he just asked me a question. I hoped he couldn’t see the blush I felt staining my cheeks.
“Oh, you know, just for the past hour or so.” James shook his head, pushing back from the counter, and I tried not to shiver at the loss of warmth in my space. I looked over to Will and Collins instead, who had finally finished their fight and were now tearing up over what looked to be a cute animal video on Collins's phone.
I took a sip of my drink, watching as James made his way down the bar taking people’s orders. My eyes caught on the way the muscles in his forearms shifted as he shook a drink, the sleeves of his flannel pushed up to his elbows. The way his smile was just a little crooked as he smiled at a flirty customer, leaning into the bar the way he had done just a minute ago with me. Iwatched as he winked at them, a blush rising in their cheeks as they looked up at James through their lashes.
I wish it came as easily to me as it seemed to James. He was so naturally flirty, the turn of his lips making you feel like you were constantly in on some inside joke with him. He would never have a problem finding someone to hook up with. He never seemed to have a problem in the past, that’s for sure.
My mind wandered back to last night and our conversation again. I had never talked with him so openly about sex before. There was definitely a difference in making sex jokes with your friends versus actuallytalkingabout your sex lives, and last night was definitely the latter.
As uncomfortable as I had been in the moment, as I was anytime I tried discussing my sex life with people, it had actually helped a lot. It made me realize that if I really was going to actively seek out my first sexual experience, it had to be with someone I trusted. And definitely someone who knew what they were doing.
It almost made me think… but no. I shook my head, trying to unthink that thought. Because if I went down that road, there was no coming back. And just because he was able to easily flirt and hook up with strangers did not mean he would be open to… what? What did I even think I would ask him? Toteachme how to have sex? How absolutely ridiculous. I forced myself to look away from James and join in on Will and Collins's conversation.
7
Nikki
We're Fucked, It's Fine - Jeremy Zucker
“IthinkI’mlosingmy mind.” I was laid out on the floor of my room, staring at the ceiling and contemplating all my life choices.
“Why are you always so dramatic?” My twin sister’s voice drifted back to me over the speaker of my phone where it lay on the floor next to my head.
“Rude, I’m notdramatic. I’m being perfectly reasonable in this assessment.”
“And why do you say that?”
“Because I’m thinking about asking James to have sex with me?”
There was a brief moment of complete silence before Noah responded.
“I’m on my way.”
Oh fuck, I really was losing my mind if she was facing SoCal morning traffic to drive to me instead of just talking on the phone. “So this is an insane idea, then?”
I heard the sounds of keys jangling, a door closing, and the rev of the engine as she started her car, a moment passing before the sound swapped over to the car system. “First, we don’t use that word anymore, because we do not perpetuate harmful stereotypes about mental health struggles. Second, can I askwhyyou want to ask James to have sex with you?”
“Sorry,” I murmured, properly chastened. Noah was a pediatrician and cared deeply about not only physical health, but mental health. She also was autistic, and language was a special interest of hers, so she was always on top of words that people were trying to change the use of. It was jarring to realize just how many words we used in today’s vocabulary that had horribly racist or ableist origins. I could always count on her to remind me when I forgot and slipped into an old habit.
“So this is a ridiculous idea?”
“Better.” I could picture her decisive nod of approval in my mind and couldn’t help but smile at the image. “Now answer my second question,” she demanded.
“Because of the bad review?” I nervously chewed my lip while I waited for her response.
“I’m gonna need a little more context than that, babe.”
A deep sigh gusted me as I sat up, turning to lean my back against the foot of my bed. Drawing my legs up I rested my chin on my knees, arms wrapped around my bent legs. “You know I haven’t been able to write since that review went viral?” She hummed in the affirmative, so I kept going. “Well, the other night Collins made the joke again that I should just get laid and it got me thinking.”
