Page 32 of For the Plot
“Nikki,” he said softly, like he was talking to a scared animal he was trying not to frighten. “We promised we would be honest with each other. I need you to tell me about the bad along with the good.”
I pulled the T-shirt over my head, pulling up the hem to wipe my tears before turning back around to James, who stood in front of me shirtless, but with his sweats back on.
I looked up to meet his eyes, my heart sending a pang at the quiet look of pain on his face. I tried to wrangle my thoughts into some kind of order he could follow. “It’s just… I promise, it was good. It was so good, but afterwards, it felt like a crash and I was just so overwhelmed, and I realized how long it had been since someone outside my family had actually touched me, not sexually, but just at all, and—”
A look of understanding crossed his face, and he interrupted my spiral, “I get it.” He raised his hands like he was going to touch me, but dropped it. “It can be a lot of feelings all at once, and sometimes the comedown can be overwhelming.”
I took a deep breath. “Will you… will you hold me?”
“Of course,” he breathed the words, grabbing my hand and pulling me towards the bed. I followed beside him, stopping just to remove my bra from under my shirt before climbing in afterhim. I laid facing him, head angled down to the light sprinkling of hair on his chest rather than making eye contact.
Seeming to sense that I was too overwhelmed for face-to-face interaction, James asked quietly, “Do you want to turn around?” I nodded, relieved, and turned until my back was against his warm chest. I tucked my hands under my face between the pillow, and James draped his arm over my waist. Pulling me in tightly against him, he splayed his hand across my stomach under my shirt, our legs intertwining.
For the first time all night, I felt my mind slow to a bearable level. My breathing evened out, the soothing circles he traced on my stomach giving me that pleasant buzzing sensation in my brain, like scratching an itch you hadn't been able to reach all day. I sighed, sinking into the sensation, sinking into him, enjoying the weight of his arm and the heat of his body pressed to mine.
“Will you stay with me?” I murmured. “At least until I fall asleep?”
“Of course.”
I drifted into that liminal space between awake and sleeping, but I felt him plant a kiss to my shoulder, that buzzing sensation growing as I began drifting to sleep.
I swear I thought I heard him say something else, but I was already too far gone to know what the words were.
It was the best sleep I’d had in weeks.
20
James
Stuck In My Head - Blu Eyes
“—andthen,Warrenburntthe fucking garlic bread, so there was literally nothing good to eat for the whole meal, and— Hello? Earth to James?” Collins waved his hand in front of myface, and my eyes snapped to attention, realizing I had drifted off again.
“Sorry.” I shook my head, refocusing on Collins, who was sitting across the table from me at our favorite Mexican restaurant, telling me about the dinner his coworker Warren had fucked up on his last shift. Pepe’s Finest Mexican Dining in La Habra was a fast food Mexican-style diner, and it had the best carnitas I’d ever had the pleasure of eating. I picked up my taco, taking another bite and moaning as the flavors flooded my mouth.
“I promif, I’m lifening,” I said through the food in my mouth, and Collins threw a wadded-up napkin at my face.
“Ass. Don't speak with your mouth full."
I washed the food down with a sip of Coke before grinning at him and taking another bite. In truth, I could barely concentrate on anything today. Last night, Nikki had fallen asleep in my arms, and I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Abouther.
She’d looked so vulnerable last night, turning to me with tears in her red rimmed eyes. I thought I’d done something wrong, pushed her too far somehow. The relief I felt when she told me what it really was almost had me passing out. I didn't think I could live with myself if I ever hurt her.
Cuddling her had been the best and worst idea. She had needed the human touch, and holding her in my arms had felt better than anything ever had in my life. Better than sex, better than anything. But it had gutted me knowing she didn’t feel the same. She just neededanyhuman contact in that moment, not that she neededmespecifically. We hadn’t even touched each other yet beyond kissing, and I was already in way too deep.
“Alright.” I forced myself to stop thinking about Nikki and give Collins my full attention. “Sorry, I’m with you now. Tell me about Warren fucking up the garlic bread.”
“Really, you good, bro?” Collins raised a brow at me, putting his taco back down. “You’ve been all… spacey today.”
“Yeah, I just didn’t sleep well,” I replied, not looking at him.
“Ahhh, I get it,” Collins replied slyly.
“Get what?” I looked up at him, brows scrunched.
“You 'didn’t sleep well.'” He made air quotes with his fingers, smirking at me.
“Dude, I was home all night. I’m telling you, I just didn’t sleep well. That’s it.”Yeah, because you were up all night thinking about Nikki.I told my brain to shut up. “And you? How was your date last night?”
