Page 58 of For the Plot
They looked at me with a range of concern and pity that made me uncomfortable, and I shifted in my chair.
Finally, Will spoke. “We’re worried about you, Nikki.”
“You haven’t left your room in a week,” Collins said.
I scowled at them. “I’m drafting.”
Will shook his head and Collins crossed his arms over his chest as they both stared me down. I couldn’t look at them, focused instead on my hands in my lap and picking at the skin around my fingernails. Will came forward, sitting on the edge of my bed.
“I think sometimes you forget I’ve known you half your life.” He gave me a half smile. “I know sometimes you get in the zone, but this… I’ve never seen you like this.”
I sighed. “Listen, I know you guys mean well, but really, I’m fine.”
“So we’re just not gonna talk about what the fuck happened with you and James?” Collins asked, his brow raised. I flinched when I heard James’s name, and prayed they hadn't noticed. But based on the look they exchanged, I wasn’t that lucky.
“You guys were doing fine. You went to a fucking Halloween party together! And then all of a sudden, James just up and moves out? What the hell happened?”
“I don’t know, OK?” I finally snapped. It was just all too much. “James was…” I swallowed, my voice cracking on his name. “James was a mistake. We shouldn’t have fucked around, and now here we are, finding out. I’m sorry.” I looked down, my own words hollowing out my chest. Calling James a mistake made my heart hurt for reasons I didn’t have the capacity to figure out at the moment. “But right now, I need to finish this fucking book. Just give me time, ok?”
They looked at each other again before nodding their heads and moving to leave. My shoulders dropped and I forced a smile as they shuffled out of my room, making me promise to actually talk with them once the book was turned in. I lied through my teeth that I would. As soon as they shut my door behind them, my smile dropped.
I turned back to the computer, brushing away the tears rolling down my face so I could get back to work.
33
Nikki
Numb Little Bug - Em Beihold
Iturnedinthebook in on November thirtieth. I should have been ecstatic, but all I felt was numb. I was sure it was terrible, and was certain I’d be getting a call from my editortelling me exactly that once she finished reading through it. After hitting send, I curled back up into a ball in bed, pulling the blankets up over myself and ignored Collins and Will when they tried to talk to me.
I didn't want to talk to anyone.
34
James
No One Can Fix Me - Frawley
“Knock,knock!”
The words came to me through a haze, and I looked up from the computer. I was in the manager’s office at The Sleepy Sirenworking on… well, to be honest, I wasn’t quite sure. I’d been trying to read this report for half an hour now, but I couldn’t get my brain to focus.
I hadn’t been sleeping much, and last night I think I got less than two hours. I was barely functioning, and the stress had caused a flare-up of my chronic gastritis. I could go months without even remembering I had it, until something triggered it. But I’d been living at a base level of nausea for weeks now, throwing up almost daily. Zofran had become my best friend.
Belatedly, I remembered that someone wanting to come in was the reason I’d looked up in the first place, and I croaked out a response to enter. The door opened, revealing the hesitant faces of Will and Collins. They looked around the office, and I realized this was their first time in here. They’d come to visit me at the bar once or twice since I moved out, but hadn’t gotten all the way back to the office.
“Nice digs,” Collins said, dropping into one of the other chairs. Will nodded along in agreement as he sat in the other chair.
“Thanks."
“Still enjoying the new position?” Will asked.
“God, yes,” I responded through a huffed laugh. Honestly, it was probably the only thing getting me through. If I had to be out on the floor dealing with customers while I nursed my broken heart, I don’t know what I would have done. I glanced at them curiously, wondering if they were here to talk to me about Nikki.
I hadn't wanted to move out, not really, I just couldn’t stomach bumping into Nikki around the apartment. Not after pouring my heart out to her, only to have her literally slam the door in my face.
I don’t know what the fuck I had been thinking. I should have just kept my mouth shut. Accepted whatever pieces of herself Nikki was willing to give me, instead of pushing her for more.Especially when Iknewshe was under so much stress. I'd fucked it all up, and it was only right that I remove myself from the equation.
