Page 61 of For the Plot
"What?" I sputtered. "I’m not in love with James!"
“Oh, sweetie.” Noah shook her head at me.
I opened my mouth to tell her how wrong she was, but then I thought the weird things I’d been feeling when he did nice things for me. Like pulling me outside so I could be kissed in the rain like I'd always wanted. Remembering my favorite flower so he could bring me a paper one. Dressing up as my favorite fictional man for Halloween.
Oh shit.
“Oh my god, Iamin love with him!” I exclaimed.
“Fucking finally,” Noah muttered, shaking her head at me in exasperation.
“Bitch.” I stuck my tongue out at her.
She stuck her tongue back out at me. “Dumbass."
After a moment we burst into laughter, and I fell into her side. Noah slung her arm around my shoulders, pulling me in tighter, and I snaked mine around her waist.
“I’ve missed you, Nikki,” Noah said quietly.
“I know, I’m sorry. I’ve missed you, too.” I sniffled, trying to keep the tears that had begun welling up at bay.
“So tell me, Nikki. Tell me everything, please. I’m your twin, your best friend. You know you can tell me anything, that Iwantyou to tell me everything.”
And so, I finally did. I told her everything that I had been thinking about and doing. Everything that I had been feeling about myself.
"First of all, you arenota terrible person. That is just your brain being an asshole to you, and you need to tell it to fuck off." She gripped my hands, staring into my eyes with a fierce conviction. “You might have made some questionable choices when you were overwhelmed and your fight-or-flight mode was triggered, but that does not makeyoua bad person.” I tried to avert her eyes, but she gripped my face between her palms, forcing me to look at her. “Do you understand me?”
I sniffed, shaking my head as much as I could while she still held me. Deep down I knew that, but it was harder tofeelthat.
“Secondly,” she continued, “and I hope you’ll take this with the love it’s intended, but have you thought about going back to therapy? I think it could really help you.”
I took a deep breath, wiping the tears from my face, and nodded. “I know. I need to go back. I think… I think maybe letting my ADHD go untreated has triggered a depressive episode. And I need help.”
Noah hugged me tight. “I’m proud of you,” she murmured into my ear. “Another piece of advice, take it or leave it, but maybe you should try meds again? Only if you want to, of course. But last time you gave up after the first try. It doesn’t often happenfor people the first time, and if you want to give it a try, you gotta stick with it until you’re sure. Only if that’s what you want.”
I did want to try again. And this time, I would actually follow through.
“I’m here for you in whatever ways I can be, you know that, right?” I nodded my head, and she held me for a long time, letting me cry it out and take all the reassurance from her that I needed.
Finally, I pulled away, turning to grab a tissue from my nightstand and blow my nose.
“So.” Noah’s voice had me snapping my gaze back to her. “What’s the plan?”
“Plan?” I asked, my face scrunched in confusion.
Noah rolled her eyes. “Your plan to get James back, obviously.”
“Oh.” I deflated. “I think it’s too late. I don’t think he wants anything to do with me, and I don’t blame him. Not after the way I spoke to him.”
Noah was already shaking her head before I finished speaking. “No, Nikki. That man isgonefor you. You just need to tell him how you feel. Shit, you’re a romance author! You know how a grand gesture works. Get your shit together.” She tsked at me, and I laughed through a watery smile.
“You think so? You think he could forgive me?”
“Iknowhe would.”
For the first time, I felt hope rising in my chest. Maybe I could still fix things. Maybe, just maybe, for once in my life I could get everything I wanted. Everything my brain tried to tell me I didn’t deserve.
Noah stayed with me another hour, helping me plan my grand gesture. After she left, I felt lighter than I had since the last time I’d been in James’s arms. Seriously, how did I not see how hard I’d fallen for him?
