Page 9 of For the Plot
“It really is! Just because I write about people having sex doesn't mean strangers get to ask me about my personal sex life.”
“So, about that sex life…”
Nikki rolled her eyes. “Collins made the same joke he always does about me just needing to get laid, and this time, I actually thought about it and it made sense. When I write about something I don’t have actual experience with, I research it. So this was like, I dunno, research? I just thought, maybe if I finally have sex it will make me feel like less of an imposter.”
“Well you make research sound a lot more fun than I remember it being in college.” A laugh barked out of her at that, and I preened to myself that I had managed to cheer her up. “So what happened? Are you a bad kisser?” I pretended like my heart didn’t beat just a little faster at the idea of kissing her.
“Why do you assumeIwas the bad kisser? Maybe I’m an amazing kisser, and she was the one who sucked.” Her lips twitched at her own wording, and I snorted, trying very hard not to acknowledge the thought of just how good a kisser she might be.
“And was there? Sucking?” I asked, enjoying just how red her face got.
“We never got past the kiss. I just… I couldn't do it.”
“Ah well, you gave it the old college try. What’s the next idea to get you over your slump? I hear they’re doing some great things in porn lately. You should try that instead.”
“Psh, if you think I don’t already watch porn—ethical porn, by the way, thank you very much—then you’re dumber than I thought.”
I cleared my throat, squirming in my spot, doing my absolute best not to picture exactly that when she was close enough to see just how tight my pants were starting to get with this line of conversation. Nikki seemed to realize what she said after saying it and clammed up, looking down to her fingers again. But I didn’t miss the pink tinge to her cheeks.
“I’m gonna try again, just maybe not in a bar bathroom after five minutes this time.”
“Right, of course. That makes sense.”
“How do you do it?”
My eyes widened. “How do I… have sex?” I could barely get the words out, my skin suddenly feeling too tight for my body.
“Oh my god!” She buried her face in her hands. “Oh god, that’s not what I meant. I just meant, you’re demi, too. How do you do casual hookups?”
“Oh.” My heart rate slowed back down, and I thought about it for a moment before responding. “Well, most of the time I’m still not physically attracted to the partner I hook up with. I just do it because it feels good. Like, I don’t feel sparks or butterflies, but sometimes it feels good to get off by something other than my own hand.” Now it was my turn to blush and avoid looking her in the eyes, but I didn't really know how else to explain it.
“You know demisexuality is a spectrum. Attraction versus action and all that. And of course there’s the differences in sexual orientation versus sex drive as well. But just like most people on the asexual spectrum—or, let's be real, most humanbeings in general—I go through different periods of libido. Times when it’s higher, times when it’s not.” I shrugged, trying to pretend like I was completely unaffected by this conversation. The four of us talked about a lot of stuff, but Nikki and I had never truly had in-depth conversations about sex one-on-one before. I had always made damn sure of that.
She hummed in response, staring thoughtfully at the scene paused on the screen. “I guess that makes sense. And I’m not in any rush to be in a relationship necessarily. Or like I think that I need to have a sexual experience to be valid. But Iwantto experience it. Not because I feel like it will make me a ‘real adult’ or any of that bullshit, but becauseIwant to. It just doesn’t seem like it’ll ever happen to me at this point.”
“Nikki, look at me.” She looked up, eyes hesitant, braced for impact. “If you want it to, it will. It just needs to be with the right person foryou.”
She shot me a small smile. “Thanks, James.”
Nikki unpaused the movie, and we both settled back into the couch. I wanted to say more, but I also didn’t want to push her.
Because in the deepest recesses of my soul, part of me thought I was the right person for her.
6
James
The Green Dragon - Billy Boyd, Dominic Monaghan, & Howard Shore
Tonighthadbeenabsoluteass. Saturdays were always the busiest days of the week working at a bar, and tonight was noexception. Add to that, we were short-staffed, and my night was ruined.
The only good thing about it being so nonstop busy was that it left me very little time to think about my conversation with Nikki last night. If I was being honest with myself, it was all I had been thinking about. And I had to stop. I kept Nikki very firmly in the friend box in my mind, and she was not allowed to wander anywhere else up there.
She was my friend, and friendly feelings were the only kind I could have about her. One conversation about her sex life was not going to change that. At least, that was what I was telling myself. Because last night’s feelings were a one-time thing. I was just horny. We were talking about sex, and that was that. It was nothing else.
Itcouldn’tbe anything else.
“Earth to James?” Sasha’s voice snapped me out of my thoughts, and I realized I had been wiping the same extremely clean glass for minutes now, and Sasha was giving me herI’m going to kill you if you don’t get it togetherlook. “Maybe wanna do your job and help the horde of customers waiting for you to get your head out of your ass?”
