Page 1 of Jaime
CHAPTER1
JAIME
I sat back as gentlyas I could, Evie still cradled in my arms. She was fast asleep and as innocent as anything in the universe. She looked peaceful now. She often did. At two months old, she had no way of knowing that her life was already in shambles, starting with her mother and now me.
I looked down at her, the TV playing quietly in the background. I often left it on the random baby shows on the one local network that my antennae could catch. Otherwise, the apartment was too quiet and my thoughts too loud.
Evie was so tiny. So breakable.
When I held her, I wondered if she could feel my fear. Did she know that I was terrified of hurting her accidentally? Anything could. She was so soft and so,sosmall.
Tears pricked the back of my eyes. It kept happening lately out of the blue. My eyes burned, and my chest tightened. Panic rose up my throat.
I didn’t move. I couldn’t. What if I dropped her?
Suddenly, a sound penetrated my spiraling thoughts—a guitar that started a peaceful strumming.
My eyes flew open as the opening jingle for the local showMr. McIntoshplayed.
His friendly, smiling face appeared on the screen and immediately soothed something inside of me.
As the show started, I reached for the remote, turning the volume up.
“Hi there, I’m Mr. McIntosh,” he said. “And today, I’m very upset. Do you ever feel upset?”
I took a shaking breath, letting his calm voice wash over me.
His show was short and intended for kids up to five years old. He would talk for a minute about various topics like feelings, holidays, and basic everyday things. Sometimes he would read one of his books; sometimes he would sing a song on the guitar. It was simple and relaxing and probably educational. And it was sometimes the only thing that made the world feel sane out there while I was holed up in my basement apartment with an entire human being that relied on me for everything.
“There once was a very naughty puppy named Scruff who got upset sometimes too. He would act out in all sorts of ways when feeling down, but that didn’t help to fix things. Would you like to hear his story?” he asked.
He opened his book, and the camera zoomed in. For a moment, I was looking at his clean, surprisingly strong-looking hands on the pages, and then the screen transitioned to the book’s first picture, switching to the next as he continued the story.
Somehow, my eyes were drooping by the time he finished reading. When his face was shown again, I couldn’t help but snort. In reality, this was a normal man who worked with kids. He was surprisingly masculine for a kid’s show host and had an air that reminded me of my friend’s dad’s growing up—like he knew what was best. He was maybe in his thirties and played the guitar, and probably went out for drinks with friends on weekends.
If he knew that a twenty-three-year-old guy watched his show in a non-ironic way—that it was the only thing that made me feel like I could relax sometimes—he would probably laugh in my face.
I shut my eyes, pushing the thought away. Stopping that shame spiral before it could start.
Mr. McIntosh seemed genuinely too nice for that. As ridiculous as it was to base my opinion of the man on a character he played on TV, I couldn’t help feeling it was true.
He was so calm and gentle. I bet that he would know what to do with an infant. He wouldn’t spend every night sleeping in the armchair because he was too afraid to lie down and wake the baby up. He wouldn’t have heart palpitations every time the baby needed a bath. He would be a good daddy. The kind that Evie deserved. The kind that I never would be.
“Thank you for watching, and remember, if you would like to meet me in person and listen to me read my new book, feel free to drop by Boardwalk Books and Bites on Friday the eleventh at two PM.”
I stared at Mr. McIntosh’s gentle, dimpled smile, his slightly crooked nose, and kind blue eyes as the screen faded to the details of his next reading.
Two days from now…
I couldn’t go. I wouldn’t be able to talk to him.
My hands started to shake just thinking about it, but then… hearing his voice in person, seeing him in the flesh…
How could I not?
CHAPTER2
ETHAN
