Page 13 of Jaime
Maybe intrinsically, she could feel that, because she reached out and snatched my finger in hers with that incredible baby grip, not letting me go.
I couldn’t hold back the smile as I was literally pulled through the hall to the bedroom.
Ethan stopped in the doorway, looking around the space for a very long minute without saying anything. I was behind him, so I couldn’t read his expression, but when I glanced over his shoulder, everything looked the same as usual. The bed was made, and the drawers were all shut. Dirty clothes were piled in a basket under the window, but everything was clean. The one picture on the wall, a painting of horses galloping, that I had taken from home when I’d first moved—the only thing I had left from my old life was collecting dust on the wall. I didn’t think that was what had caught his attention though.
“What is it?” I finally asked.
He turned to look at me over the wrong shoulder, making my arm go around him as my finger was still clasped in Evie's hand and then chuckled and turned around the other way.
“Your room just looks very unused,” he finally said. “Where do you put Evie when you go to sleep? Next to you?”
I shook my head.
“No. I told you, she only lets me sleep if I’m holding her.”
“Not in bed?”
“On the armchair,” I explained.
His brows shot up.
“Okay, let’s fix that first. You’re raising a child. You deserve to have a solid night’s sleep in your own bed.”
That did sound nice. Impossible, but nice. Evie wasn’t just going to let me sleep without her though. I had tried.
Still, I didn’t argue. If anyone could get her to sleep on her own, it was Ethan. He was some kind of baby whisperer for sure, and I knew barely anything except the basics of keeping her alive. I would follow his lead in this and, to be honest, in anything else he wanted to instruct me on. Being in any way as collected and put together as the older man was now a key fantasy for me. To be successful and stable just seemed like the ultimate goal now. Not partying, not friends, just a reliable income, maybe a house, and Evie, healthy and happy…
I shook the images away, surprised at where my thoughts had gone. I hadn’t thought about our future before. I’d been so caught up in surviving each moment. The idea of having Evie grow up strong and healthy and happy, basically the complete opposite of how me and my sister had grown up, was both heartwarming and terrifying, because now that I’d thought of it, I was in a mild panic about losing the opportunity.
I took a steadying breath, concentrating on her little hand, still holding mine. She always helped me calm down, even though she was also the source of most of my anxiety. Every day she put me into at least one panic about dropping her or hurting her in some way, and then she would soothe me with those wide eyes and grabby hands… Loving her was like getting whiplash.
“Since I don’t have a car seat, we can get to the shop on the bus,” Ethan was saying, drawing my attention back to the moment. “Unless you drive?”
I shook my head.
“Uh. No. I know I should. I just—”
—was terrified of being on the road, in control of a vehicle going at speeds that couldn’t stop fast enough—
“It’s fine, where’s the nearest bus stop?”
“Just across the street,” I said, still trying to think back to what he had said. “I’m sorry, where are we going?”
“West Coast Snuggles,” Ethan said. “To get a crib or bassinet.”
I winced.
“Ah, no, that’s okay—”
“It’s on me,” he said at once, but that only made me feel worse.
I stood there, trying to decide how to argue but my mind was blank.
“Everything else, we’ll get secondhand, okay? I want you to be able to put her down sometimes though, starting today.”
I swallowed and forced myself to nod.
Mr. McIntosh knows best,I told myself.If he wants to spend his money on me, that’s his choice.
