Page 85 of Jaime
Magda wentthrough the whole spiel again, telling me the basics, just like she did every time.
This was my third try. The first one had been a disaster, but the second onehadn’tended in a panic attack, so I took that as a win. I hadn’t driven at all, but I had turned on the car with my foot firmly pressing down the brake and that was something.
“Want to try again?” she asked in her usual friendly manner.
I managed to nod, placing my hands on the wheel and glancing back, catching Ethan’s gaze in the mirror.
“You’ve got this,” he said at once. “You don’t need to drive. Just turn the car on and off.”
“It might help if you really feel the brake again too. Feel how well it works.”
I nodded, taking calming breaths while I pushed myself to move.
I turned the car on. It didn’t move.
I pressed down on the brake, and then, somehow, reached for the gears.
“Good,” Magda said softly. “Keep your foot on the brake. Put the car on drive and see how you feel.”
Somehow, I did it. The car didn’t move at all. Confidence boosted me, even though my heart was racing and my hands were shaking.
“Now, if you lift your foot a bit, you’ll see we’ll barely move.”
It took real strength to go that far, but I pushed myself to try.
The car slid slowly forward and I immediately stomped on the brake pedal too hard, whipping us forward.
“Sorry,” I muttered and tried again.
This time, I allowed the car to move about five feet before slowly pressing the brakes back down.
I pulled the emergency brake back up and released everything, my entire body shaking with nerves.
“Can we stop now?” I asked, embarrassed to find that even my voice was trembling.
“Yes, that was great progress,” Magda said, patting me.
I agreed.
At this point, countless people had told me I didn’t need to do this, but I couldn’t help feeling like it was my last hurdle. It was the last thing from my past that was holding me back. For myself, I needed to know that, if necessary, I could get behind the wheel.
“Great job,” Ethan said as soon as we got out. “Soon you’ll be driving Evie to daycare.”
I nodded shakily, even though the idea of that felt miles away.
For the last few weeks, I would take Evie by bus in the mornings and Ethan would pick her up in the afternoon. I was finally starting to get used to us being apart for a few of hours at a time but dropping her off still sucked and I was sure driving wouldn’t change that.
I leaned into him, letting him hold me while I breathed.
“I think I need a drink,” I sighed.
“Yeah? And dinner, and a movie, and sex?”
“Yes, yes, and yes,” I chuckled. “But Naomi…”
I glanced toward the house, finding her in the window with Evie, watching us. She smiled, holding Evie’s wrist to make her wave at us.
“We can ask,” he said, shrugging. “She usually just watches movies when we’re out.”
