Page 19 of Under the Texas Sky
The words stick in my throat, and I try to clear it to help force them out.
“Tell me, Ki, what’s wrong?” he pleads. “I’m freaking out over here.”
I wipe my clammy palms against my pants and inhale deeply before blowing it out between pursed lips. “I have an STI,” I say quickly, then look away from him. I don't want to watch his face morph into disgust.
“Is that why you’ve been so sick?” His voice is so small.
“Yeah, oral gonorrhea.” Stupid tears burn the backs of my eyes, and I'm not strong enough to fight them. They trickle down my cheeks, and I dart my tongue out to lick the wetness off my lips.
“Oral? How?” Trent doesn’t sound disgusted, just curious, and slightly worried.
“I’m not sure, the doctor just said it was very common.” Why does it matter how I got it, and why is he not making a bigger deal of this? If the tables were turned, I would be absolutely distraught at the thought of him being with someone else and then coming home and giving it to me. “She also said you need to be tested,” I throw in there, because why the heck not. In for a penny, in for a pound. Might as well get all the bad news out in one sweep.
“Oh–um, okay.”
I can still feel his eyes burning holes into the side of my head, but I keep my eyes downcast at the food I'm not even hungry for anymore. Hearing rustling, I watch out of the corner of my eye as Trent pulls out his phone and quickly types on it before holding it up to his ear.
“Hi, yes, this is Trent Matthews. I need to make an appointment.”
I sit in stunned silence while he gives them the details then calmly hangs up. His body shuffles against the couch, and I feel his weight disappear.
Closing my eyes, I try to get the tears to stop. He’s leaving. He made the call and now he’s going to go to the doctor. He’s going to take the medicine and be fine. And walk right out of my life as easily as walking through an opened door.
My head falls back onto the top of the couch, too heavy for me to hold up. At this moment, I think I would be content to stay here forever, until my bones turn to dust.
Hands encase my face, holding me securely between two palms. Rough calluses that haven’t always been there scratch against my soft cheeks.
“Look at me, Freckles,” Trent pleads, pulling my head toward his face. I crack my eyes open to find his irises are dark, like the smoothest chocolate. “What’s wrong? What do you need?”
Is he serious right now? The ball of anxiety that’s been festering in my chest explodes. I want to kick, scream, punch. Anything to release this overwhelming feeling.
I remain silent, turning my eyes away from his, choosing to look at the hallway instead of right at him.
“Kian, please, please look at me. Tell me what’s wrong so I can fix it.”
“Are you dumb? Why are you even asking me that?” I regret the words as soon as I say them, wanting to snatch them out of the air and swallow them back down. Trent doesn’t deserve those words. I’m no different than all of the people before me that spoke to him in anger.
His hands drop from my face, and the heart that lives outside my chest shatters into a million pieces. I want to take it back. I need to take it back.
Trent stands up, pressing a kiss to the crown of my head. Then he walks around the couch. He opens the door, his movements slow and deliberate. He doesn’t turn around to watch me watching him as he walks out and closes the door, leaving me behind.
CHAPTER 17
TRENT
17 years old
I love him.Ilove him. Ilovehim. I lovehim.
No matter how many times I repeat the words inside my head, I still can’t understand how we got here. Two boys. In love. Well, at least I hope he loves me. But even if he only loves me half as much as I love him, I would be okay.
It’s been a struggle to keep up with schoolwork with all the hours I've been picking up at the grocery store, but I do it for him. We need all the money we can get, and I don’t want him getting a job, because he actually cares about doing well in school. Kian has big dreams, bigger than this small town, and that makes me love him more.
We only have to live in my car for a little while longer until I can find somewhere that will rent to me underage, but I have enough money saved up for a deposit.
That’s what’s keeping me going, wanting the best for Kian. A place where he can lay his head at night and not worry about how we’re going to shower, or how we’re going to heat up the canned food I get from work.
I splurged today, and I know he’ll be upset. But I would be an idiot if I didn’t get him anything for today. Not only is it going tobe the first time I profess my love for him, but it’s also our four month anniversary.
