Page 31 of Under the Texas Sky
“It’s fine, Willow. Just leave it alone,” I bite out, harsher than I intend to. Because good intentions can only get you so far. Iwanted to celebrate my birthday by relaxing at home, nothing insane. Last night was insane.
The thought of what Trent was doing yesterday also niggles my brain, and I want to cry in exasperation. Of course I’m still thinking about him. I’m just in an emotional state right now, and that’s totally normal. I’ll go back to not thinking about him in no time.
Willow stands up, leaving me alone to wallow in self pity. I should apologize to her, because I’m not a mean person who’s unappreciative of their friends, but if I try to talk to her right now it will do more harm than good.
I open my Instagram app, checking my notifications to see who posted about last night's party. Too many people, too many blurry pictures.
I check over my shoulder to make sure Willow isn’t in the room before I switch out of my main account and open up my other account. There are no followers, and I don’t follow anyone. This account has one purpose and one purpose only.
With shaking fingers, I open up the explore page and click on the drop down to find my recent searches. There’s only one name. Trent’s.
It’s my secret obsession to know what he’s doing and who he’s doing it with. There’s not a day that goes by where I don’t look at his Instagram page at least once.
It’s not aesthetically pleasing. It’s a hodgepodge of random memories that he wants to document. Normally, it’s filled with pictures of sunrises and sunsets, and pictures of food he’s cooked. If I scroll down far enough, there’s still pictures of us together. Smiling, laughing, just two people being in love. But Idon’t scroll back that far, not today when my heart already feels battered beyond repair.
I check his tagged posts, finding a new one. When I click on it, my stomach drops, my heart that’s already splintered falling out of my chest and onto the countertop.
There’s Trent, standing in front of an expensive restaurant with another man hanging on his arm. The other man is short, definitely shorter than I am, because he barely comes up to Trent’s shoulder. Short, dark cropped hair that differs from the bright smile and business casual clothes he has on. Is he in the military, or clocking in for his nine to five at some basic stock market job? He needs to figure it out, because it does not suit him.
I inhale a deep breath, because my thoughts are running rampant and they’re hateful. I’m sure he’s a great guy who has a lot going for him. And who knows, maybe Trent will cheat on him too, and we’ll both end up members of the “hating Trent” club.
Whatever. It’s fine. I’m fine. It’s none of my business what Trent does or does not do now. He’s none of my concern.
I exit off the picture and go to my settings. I delete my account, waiting for the notice that it will give me thirty days to change my mind. I’m not waffling though, not on this.
I have Klaus. I have a great job. I have a great home. I have a lot of good stuff going for me.
I don’t need Trent. Not anymore.
CHAPTER 28
TRENT
Journal Entry- Day 912
Hi Freckles,
It’s been a while since I wrote to you. It’s Christmas season now, and it’s starting to get super cold outside. I’m not sure how the weather in Arizona is, but I’m hoping that it puts you in the Christmas spirit. You used to love decorating the tree and listening to Christmas music while we drank hot chocolate and watched old movies.
This year looks different for me. I’m going to meet Hunter’s parents tomorrow. Hunter has a whole dinner planned at his house, and he said I could invite Mitch. It’s hard to get Mitch out of bed these days, but he said the only way he’s missing it is if he was dead.
I like Hunter a lot. He’s funny, smart, and just so much nicer to me than I deserve. He’s not a handyman, so he relies on me when he needs something done around his house. I love the feeling of being needed. Maybe you remember that.
The things I feel with him are so different from what I felt with you. With you, it was a whirlwind of love and lust, and I think that was our downfall. Our love wasn’tsteady, it was a forest fire in the middle of summer. With no reprieve and nothing to stop it. We were unstoppable, until we burnt out.
With Hunter, it's a pool of water. It’s nice and relaxing. There’s no pressure to sink or swim. We’re perfectly content to wade in the shallow part together.
We’re leaving next week for vacation, just the two of us. It will be the first time I’m leaving the state of Texas, and I’m excited to be doing it with him. The fuckery of it all is we’re going to be in your area. Or I guess in your state. Hunter loves to go skiing in the winter, so that’s what we’re doing. In Arizona. The thought of possibly running into you has me feeling lots of mixed emotions, which is why I'm writing this final letter.
I’ll always love you, but I have to let you go.
This is me letting you go.
Me and Hunter are trying to take the next step in our relationship, and I can’t fully do that if I’m still holding on to the hope that one day you’ll come home. I want to love him.
I want the best for you, now and always.
Even though this is how it ends, I have to let you know that even if I knew we would end up here, I would do it all over again for the chance to love you. Even if somehow I could see the future and know that we were never meant to be together forever, I wouldn’t change a moment of it.
