Page 54 of Under the Texas Sky
And that’s the last thing I remember.
He assaulted me. Taking something that I didn’t willingly give. The thought of him doing that and recording me sends shivers down my spine, nausea pooling in my stomach. And I never would have known. I would have been none the wiser.
The day all hell broke loose came in the form of a newspaper when his face took up the whole front page. In big bold letters, claiming that he was being released on bail, awaiting charges for seven counts of sexual assault. The same man whose bed I woke up in. The bitter water and feeling worse instead of better. Water always helped sober me up, at least partially. That night was different, though.
Then, to add insult to injury there was a hotline to call at the bottom to report ifyouhad also been a victim. I didn’t see myself as a victim. How could I have been one? But my curiosity got the best of me, and instead of calling, I went down to the police station. The friendly and empathetic detective told me they had video footage of all his attacks.
I thanked her for her time, leaving my name and phone number with her in case she needed to get into contact with me.
I drove around town trying to remember where I had been. When I pulled up in front of the man’s house, I parked my car on the side of the street. I calmly knocked on his door, and when I saw his face, I lost my shit. I punched him until my knuckles bledand his face was bruised beyond recognition. I told him if I ever found him doing that shit again, I would kill him.
He ruined everything for me. My life. My relationship. My self esteem. For so long after that, it was hard for me to wake up in the morning and look at myself in the mirror. Knowing that I had put myself in that position is something I’ll forever resent myself for. Karuna constantly tells me it’s not my fault, but she doesn’t understand thatmyactions led me to that bar, into James’ house, and into that situation. I’ve been working on reassuring myself it’s not my fault, but it’s not something I’ll snap out of overnight.
Maybe if I ever get the chance to explain it to Kian, it will help me close that chapter of my life. Knowing that I have his support and his understanding.
I rest my head on the side of Mitch’s bed, letting my forehead bury into the soft blanket that smells exactly like the detergent Mitch uses. The same one I use because it smells like home. I inhale deeply, letting the scent burrow itself into me, and close my eyes. Soaking in the freeing thought that one day I’ll be able to move on.
And hopefully, that day will come soon.
CHAPTER 46
KIAN
Just knock on the door. All I have to do is lift my hand up and rap it against the door. It’s so easy. What’s waiting on the other side of the door is what keeps me from doing it.
I’m at Mitch’s house, staring at the same chairs I used to sit in, enjoying sweet tea with Mitch and Trent during the summer. The same porch where me and Trent used to sit while I worked on homework and he would write in his journal after school. There’s so many memories trapped here that are banging against the walls in my head, begging to be set free.
I can hear the TV on inside. I look left and right to see if any of Mitch’s neighbors are watching me have a freak out on this porch. The house to the left has a nice pick up truck sitting in the driveway, and the porch light is on. An old man is probably staring out his window judging me for not being man enough to knock on this door. But if he was in my shoes, I’m sure he would be scared too.
It’s been two and a half years. Two and a half years since I sat on the couch with Mitch and watched old game show reruns. Two and a half years since I’ve done a puzzle and eaten pizza with a man that I used to consider a father. I looked up to him, I idolized him, and look where that got me. Heartbroken. I know that’s not Mitch’s fault, but the rational part of me doesn’twantto understand that Mitch didn’t choose Trent over me. Imade the decision for everyone when I up and left without an explanation.
My hand shakes as I form it in a fist, pressing it against the hard wooden door. The pressure against my knuckles tell me that this is real, what I’m about to do can’t be undone. I pull my hand back and hit it against the door. The sharp sound is a shock to my system, because I did it.
I wait patiently, staring at the door and listening to the sound coming through the it. It sounds likeGolden Girls,which doesn’t make sense because Mitch doesn’t likeGolden Girls.He prefers game shows, not shows about love and friendship.
There’s no sound of footsteps or the door clicking unlocked.
I knock again, this time louder. He’s getting old, maybe he has a harder time hearing now.
The TV clicks off, and the house is bathed in silence. Still no footsteps.
“Mitch, it’s me.”
Nothing. Maybe not the best thing to say.
“Kian. It's me, Kian.”
I wait for a few more minutes, and still, nothing.
Well, that’s my cue to leave. He obviously doesn’t want to see me, and I don’t want to embarrass myself more by crying out in the open. I would rather do it in the comfort of my own hotel room.
This was dumb. Everything is dumb. I should tuck my tail between my legs and run back to Willow and Arizona. I never have to worry about rejection or being unwanted there. I’ll keep going with my OnlyFans and my modeling gigs, where people pay money to see me because I’m desirable. Not because theywant to know me, but because they want to see how I look naked. And that’s fine. I don’t need to let anyone else in. It never works out for me anyway.
I backtrack off the porch and down the driveway to the sidewalk. It’s chilly outside, and the thin jacket I have on doesn’t combat the cold much. The walk back will be miserable, but it gives me plenty of time to think about what I’m going to do next.
Maybe I should go on a trip. I have enough money saved. I could travel the world. Even though it sounds terribly lonely if I have to do it by myself.
“Hey! Wait!” a voice yells, the sound being carried on the cold wind.
