Page 43 of Under the Texas Sky
And Trent reached out. He actually messaged my boyfriend, having to count on him to relay the message, because he knew how much I needed to know that.
I need to find Trent. I need to find him and let him tell me himself. I need to find him and let him tell me what happened that night before he came to Mitch’s.
There’s so much unsaid between us. I can find it in me to forgive him. I can, because we never know how much time we have left on this earth, and I can’t spend another minute without him. We’ve both fucked up, beyond repair. Maybe this is what we needed though, the distance to grow and now we’re two different people. The thought hurts, the ache in my chest burrowing down deep.
I need to know all the gory details about what happened that night, because the wound it caused is never going to heal without the closure of hearing the story from his mouth. Whatever the reason was, we can work through it. Together.
I need to find him, kiss him, tell him how much I love him, and tell him how fucking sorry I am for leaving him.
CHAPTER 37
TRENT
Our bags are packed and propped by the door while Hunter and I eat one last room service meal. The eggs are rubbery, the bacon is burnt, and my heart is still breaking in my chest no matter how much I try to pretend that it isn’t.
I stare at Hunter while he spreads grape jelly on his toast. Kian never liked grape jelly. He always preferred strawberry. But he never ate toast either, opting for peanut butter and jelly. How many times did I lick the peanut butter off his lips before pressing my lips to his? Too many times to count.
Fuck, I cannot start comparing everything Hunter does to Kian, but that’s all I’ve done since I walked out of that suite last night.
Hunter was already in bed. And when I slid in beside him, still wearing the clothes from dinner, he didn’t say anything. He cuddled up to me, putting his head in my neck, and went right back to sleep. I’m waiting for him to ask me what happened, to accuse me, to yell at me. Justsomething, because I can’t take this silence anymore.
The only reason our bags are packed is because Hunter woke up before me. I woke up to a knock at the door, the hotel worker bringing us food that Hunter ordered. Both of our bags were packed and waiting, like an omen or some shit.
I should have said something then, as we still have two more nights here. But it’s obvious that I’m the only one who cares about staying here and not going back to the real world. Becausethe real world, the world in which I go back to Texas, doesn’t include Kian.
I’m so fucking pathetic. I really thought I could move on and love someone else? That’s not possible for me. The only person who’s ever been for me has been Kian. He’s my soulmate. My other half. The only person I want to wake up next to. The only person who I write love notes for.
I look down at my arm, the sleeve of tattoos mocking me every moment I’m alive. Random black line art mixed with memories of me and Kian. A sunset scene from a beach. A bouquet of flowers. A sun, a moon, and stars against a black background. The outline of Texas. A pair of eyes with slanted eyebrows, exactly how Kian would look at me when he was riding shotgun in my car. A million little moments inked into my skin to remind me of all that I’ve lost.
It’s not fair to Hunter. I’ve never been fair to Hunter, no matter how pure my intentions were.
I open my mouth to say something, anything. No words come out. Hunter looks up from his toast, probably hearing me trying to form words and failing miserably.
“Just the truth, remember,” he remarks, and he’s not upset. He’s… skeptical? No, that’s not the word I’m looking for. He looks like he’s bracing himself for something. But for what? For me to tell him I cheated on him? He probably would think that with my track record.
“I didn’t cheat on you,” I say, my eyes staying firmly on him, trying to get him to believe me.
“Okay.”
“I don’t…” I trail off, because I don’t know what to say. “I’m sorry,” is what I finally decide on. But sorry is starting to feel likea filler word with how often I say it. That’s the shitty thing about that two syllable word: it’s the only one I can say, but it can’t truly capture how gutted I feel right now.
“I know you are.”
“I still love him,” I whisper under my breath. Because that’s mine and Hunter’s agreement, only the truth. No matter how fucking bad it hurts.
His sharp inhale cuts through the silence, and I let the ache settle into my heart.
I’m taking a big risk here, choosing to go for the wild and crazy love. Not the stable love that relies on the truth and understanding. I’m a bit of a masochist, wanting to put myself through the same thing again. But Kian is it for me.
“Wow, um–” He clears his throat and tries to subtly wipe at his eyes. I want to reach across the table and comfort him. I want to take him in my arms and take the words back. But I can’t, no matter how much it hurts both of us. “The reason I packed our bags is because I thought you cheated on me. But I think it’s worse knowing that you’re in love with him, but here with me.”
“He doesn’t want me. Not anymore.” My sullen tone is like a sad song on repeat.
“I don’t think that’s true, and I doubt you truly believe that.” He’s upset, but still trying to be reasonable for my sake.
“What else can I believe? I can’t get my hopes up, only to be let down.”
“That’s the thing about love, sometimes you don’t know what’s going to happen. You just have to take that chance.”
