Page 60 of Under the Texas Sky
“You–how–what?” I sputter, not sure which of those words are trying to come out of my mouth to form a full sentence.
She huffs, tossing her long, dark hair over her shoulder. Leaning forward, she rests her elbows on the table, and I know I’m about to get scolded. There’s something in her posture that gives me the same feeling as in school when I was called to the principal’s office.
“So, were you trying to lie?” She pauses for a minute, then continues. “I went into the bookstore.”
“Not lying, so much as maybe omitting the truth…” I say.
Which sounds horrible no matter which way I put it. And of course, she saw Hunter, and Hunter isn’t one to lie for any reason. So instead of keeping her in suspense, I decide to tell her everything. And by everything, I meaneverything. The resort,the hotel room with Kian, Hunter, inviting Kian over, being turned on enough to want to have sex.
“Wait–You wanted to initiate sex?” she asks in the same clinical way a doctor would ask what your symptoms are.
I nod, embarrassed that I've divulged that secret. It’s something I’ve been self conscious about, and one reason she always asks me how me and Hunter are.
“Can you tell me exactly how you were feeling?”
I break down, in excruciating detail, every feeling from the moment I saw Kian standing on Mitch’s doorstep. I had never been so thankful in my life that Mitch’s overnight nurse, Katie, is one of the most paranoid people I’ve ever met, so she refuses to open the door for anyone. If she doesn’t know you’re coming, you’re not stepping foot in that house while she’s there.
Love. Longing. Lust. Want. Hunger. Sadness. Grief. The latter when he was leaving. The former from the first time I peeked my head out of the curtain that faces Mitch’s house and saw his curly hair blowing in the breeze.
“Trent.” Karuna reaches her hands out, and I meet her halfway. She clasps her hands around mine in a motherly gesture, and I have to blink fast to get rid of the tears building in my eyes. “That’s great news. Do you remember that night you called me?”
I know the night she’s referring to, and the amount of tears I shed over that night is embarrassing and not something I like to think about.
She continues anyway, because her motto is the more you talk about it, the easier it is to handle. Like lifting weights, your brain gets used to the trauma, and instead of feeling pain, you feel strong. Overcoming something like what I went through is not for the weak, and no one truly ever “gets over it,” but itgets easier to manage. Especially when confronting the demons instead of letting them live rent free in your head.
“You and Hunter had–”
I cut her off because I don’t want her to say how badly I failed at it. “I remember. I had a panic attack and ended up catatonic for so long Hunter almost called an ambulance.”
“You’ve come so far since then, and I’m so proud of you.”
She’sproudof me. Of me? What have I done except sit in this uncomfortable chair and cry about my issues for the past two years?
“You might not see it, but you’ve come so far from that angry, mad-at-the-world adult who showed up at my clinic two years ago. You’ve been through a lot, but you more than anyone should know that change doesn’t happen overnight.”
Yeah, I do know that.
“Can we please talk about something else?” I plead, not above poking out my bottom lip in a pout.
“Like what?”
“Anything. I will talk about anything.” Surely whatever else we talk about today will be less painful than all the other issues I’ve been dealing with.
“Okay, but we will be coming back to this in our next session. We need to be able to discuss why you’re feeling the way that you are. We don’t want you to fall back and not be able to get up.”
I like how she uses the wordwe,because while I know she meansher, it makes me think about another person who should be by my side.
CHAPTER 51
KIAN
17 years old
Mitch told me and Trent that he was going to be home late tonight, so he left a twenty dollar bill on the table for pizza. With a note that said,Don’t make me a grandpa yet, I’m too young.
I blushed bright red, but Trent laughed so hard he had tears streaming down his face. I’m glad only one of us gets embarrassed easily.
“We should try making dinner instead. We can get pizza for all of us tomorrow,” Trent says, standing behind me with his arms wrapped around my waist. I lean my head back against his shoulder and he presses a kiss to my temple.
