Page 60 of Sunrises & Salvation
His soft lips meet mine in a tender kiss, no tongue or teeth, just the two of us.
For a moment, I pretend that this is real. That we’re out in public, holding hands and calling each otherboyfriend,and it’s not a big deal if we kiss. Heck, it’s expected of us.
Wolf whistles break me out of my stupor, and I jerk back.
Danielle isn’t paying enough attention to watch me silently profess my love for her boyfriend. She takes her turn and kisses whoever it lands on. But my thoughts are still on the kiss Adam and I shared. In public. In front of people, and there were no repercussions.
The rest of the night, I sit with my heart in my throat, waiting for something to smite me out of existence. But it never comes.
And as Adam and I go back to his dorm room and fall into bed together, wrapped in each other’s arms, I feel unstoppable.
34
ADAM
Hunter is sitting up in bed, staring at the black screen of his phone, when I crack my eyes open, the bright sun peeking in through the blinds and coating his skin in the golden sheen.
“Good morning.” My voice is deep with sleep, feeling like gravel spilling up my throat and out of my mouth. “How long have you been awake?”
He doesn’t say anything, he just clutches his phone tighter in his palms while he flexes his jaw. Something’s wrong, really wrong. He wouldn’t act like this for no reason, not my little ray of sunshine. When he has woken up before me in the past, he’s always trailed teasing fingers across my chest until I’ve awoken.
Whatever is wrong, I need to fix it. Now.
“What’s wrong, Collins?” I lean up on my elbows, letting the blanket pool around my waist, and reach a hand out to brush along his forearm. He flinches away from my touch, and I feel an ache make its way through my chest. “Baby, please talk to me,” I plead with him, watching his blank stare.
“Do you think I’m a bad person?” he finally asks, his tone cold.
I shake my head quickly, reaching out for him again and wrapping my hand around his forearm, pulling him closer to me. He barely budges.
“No.No,” I state, steeling my voice so he can hear how serious I am. “Why would you think that?” The real question I want to ask him is why he thinks so lowly of himself constantly.
“Thomas texted me. Heard I kissed you at the party last night.” Fuck. Fuck. This is not Hunter’s fault, and I should have known that it would come down to this.
Everything we’ve done has been because of me, because I was selfish and wanted him all to myself. I didn’t even consider how it would come across to other people.
But Hunter is mine, damnit. Thomas was not right for him in any way, shape, or form.
“He wants to talk today.”
“Are you going to?”
“Obviously, I think I owe it to him to tell the truth.” My gut clenches. I don’t want Hunter to do it by himself, because he’s already so empathetic, and feels more feelings for other people than I could ever understand. He didn’t want to hurt Thomas, and he still doesn’t.
“What are you going to say?”Don’t deny us. Don’t deny me. I won’t be able to stomach it if he goes there and Thomas worms his way back into Hunter’s life and replaces me. I’ve never felt this way about anyone, and I never will again.
The words I want to say are on the tip of my tongue, begging me to release them and let them take on a life of their own. But that’s not fair to Hunter, not now, when he’s already struggling.
“I’m going to tell him the truth, I won’t tell him that it’s you, but I’m going to tell him I moved on. It’s not fair to him, and I’m already sick thinking about it. I just feel…awful.That I let this happen. No one deserves to have that happen to them. And I did it. I lied and kept telling myself that it’s okay.” He sniffles, a straytear falling out of his eye and trailing down his face. “But it’s not okay. It was never okay.”
I try to say something, but he keeps going. “Aren’t you worried I’m going to cheat on you, too? How could you not be? There’s a whole saying thatif they’ll cheat with you, they’ll cheat on you.I don’t want to be like that.” The tears are streaming down his face faster and I cup his cheeks in my hand, turning his head toward me, staring at his red-rimmed eyes, his eyelashes sticking together. I kiss his forehead, then both his eyelids, both rosy cheeks, and then the scar on his upper lip that I love so much.
“I’m not worried about that at all. Do you want to know why?” I stare into his brown eyes, willing him to listen and understand what I’m saying. Understand how hard it is for me to put myself on the line like this, but I’ll do it for him. I’ll do anything for him. “Because that’s not who you are, Hunter. Whatweare is inevitable. We were meant to be together. My body was made to be yours; my heart was meant to be owned by you and only you. It fucking sucks that we had to hurt other people.” I don’t care about other people’s emotions as much as he does, but I won’t say that. “But we did what we had to do.”
His laugh is choked, and he closes his eyes. “That’s a shitty way to justify cheating on someone.”
I shrug my shoulders, my ruthless upbringing wanting to rear its ugly head, but I push it down. “It’s life, Collins. Someone’s always going to get hurt.”
“I wish it wasn’t me that was hurting people, though.” I don’t know what to say to that. I want to take all of the blame off his shoulders and put it on mine. Let me confront Thomas and tell him that it was all me, and Hunter was an innocent bystander. But that won’t do us any good.
