Page 62 of Sunrises & Salvation
We finish our dinner, and he pays the bill. I argue with him about it, demanding that I at least pay half. He shakes his head, pushes his chair out, and stands up.
I follow behind him, my stomach full of way too many chips with salsa, my leftover box securely tucked in my hand. I refuse to leave without the goods.
“Do you want to go for a walk? Or do you need to go back?”
I think about it for a moment. The only thing waiting for me back at campus is Adam, and I’m sure he’ll be fine if I leave him alone just a little while longer. He might even be having that conversation with Danielle, and I don’t want to interrupt that.
“Want to go to the fountain?” The fountain is clear across campus, right in front of the university center. But it’s beautifulat night, the bright lights shining on the bronzed metal of our school mascot.
Thomas shrugs his shoulders but lets me lead the way anyway.
“When I asked you about your kiss with Adam, I didn’t expect you to tell me you were seeing someone else.” He finally breaks the silence, the night air rapidly cooling around us and sending a chill down my spine.
“I didn’t want you to think it was a one-off thing.” Which sounds horrible, and I hate that I even did it to begin with, but it’s hard to regret anything that led me to Adam.
“And I appreciate that. Can you tell me who it was?” I choke on my spit, trying to aggressively cough to clear my throat. Thomas slaps me gently on the back.
“What?”
“It’s cool if you don’t want to, I’m just curious who took my boyfriend from me so quickly. I’ll have to step up my game in my next relationship.”
“He’s not… out yet,” I say hesitantly.
“You’re good with that? You shouldn’t put yourself back into the closet just because the person you’re with isn’t out. He isn’t trying to hide the relationship, is he?” Kind of, kind of not. But Thomas has never seen Adam like I have. He hasn’t seen his soft side, or the caring side. Or the side that massages my temples when I tell him I feel a headache coming on. But he’s not actively hiding our relationship. I don’t mind it either, because he has a lot riding on his future. I would feel horrible if I were the reason he couldn’t accomplish what he wanted to do.
“Yeah, I’m okay with it. One day we’ll be out,” I say with conviction, knowing that Adam is the one for me.
“Damn, okay.” He jokingly holds his hands up in a surrender motion. “Don’t shoot me for asking questions. I just don’t want to see you get hurt.”
We walk in silence until we get to the fountain, the loud pulse of water thrumming. I inhale, smelling the faint scent of fresh water and dried leaves. It’ll be Christmas break in no time, and I’ll be right back here. Studying. Living. Loving Adam.
Coming to college away from home terrified me at first. My first month here was awful, I thought I for sure made a mistake. But over time, I realized it was never a mistake to be here, I’m exactly where I was meant to be.
All the bullying growing up, the hateful words and abhorrent actions, they all led me to this point. I was strong enough to survive it, and now I’m thriving.
“Thanks,” I tell Thomas, bumping my shoulder against his.
“For what?”
“For being my first boyfriend, sorry I screwed it up so badly.” He pushes me off him, laughing.
“Hunter, you act like you’re the worst person ever, and you’re not. We dated for barely a month and a half.” A month and a half is still a lot of time to get to know someone. People decide in less time than that to commit themselves together for life.
“If you say so.”
“I do.” He yawns, cracking his jaw loudly and smacking his lips when he finishes. “I’m exhausted, and I have to work tomorrow. Want to study on Wednesday? I have a paper due Thursday, so I’ll be in the library.” My chest warms; he can’t hate me if he’s still asking to study. Maybe our friendship will work out.
“Yeah, I’ll be there.”
“So will Danielle, so if you want to bring your other guy, you can trust us.”
“Thanks, Thomas. Really.” I wish I could say so much more, but he’s already shaking his head and walking toward his dorm.
“Quit thanking me. But you’re on snack duty, so make sure to bring something good for all of us to share.”
“Done.”
I wait until he’s out of sight, and I check my phone. There’s one message from Adam, flashing red on my notifications. I click it open.
