Page 79 of Sunrises & Salvation
“Of course.” Of course I came. If you told me to steal the sun for you, I would. I would do anything for you. But I can’t say any of that out loud.
Hunter twiddles his fingers, nibbling on his bottom lip. The pink flesh is raw from his ministrations, and the dimple in his cheek slightly pops out. I want to walk over to him and pull it free and soothe the skin until he’s smiling.
The scar on his upper lip is still as distracting as it was the first time I noticed it, the thin pale line cutting across and leaving a trail for me to trace with my mouth.
My body becomes all too aware that this is the first time the two of us have been somewhere alone.
I inhale, feeling the high from being close to him course through my veins. I wait for him to speak, to tell me why we’re here, why after all this time he decided he wanted to talk to me. The anticipation is killing me.
“Me and Trent broke up,” he finally says, and I swallow harshly.
I can’t say anything as I let the words wash over me. Hunter keeps talking, though. “He ran into Kian while we were gone, and I justknewI was keeping him from doing what he really wanted.” Hunter gives a self-deprecating chuckle, walking over to the plush bean bag and falling into it dramatically. It would have been funny if the circumstances were different, but they’re not. And Hunter is upset over this, and I need to support him instead of swooping in like a knight in shining armor to fix him. He doesn’t need me to fix him; he never has. He’s always been strong on his own.
“But what’s worse is Ishouldhave been heartbroken. I should be crying and fighting and yelling and pleading with him not to leave me. To choose me instead of him. I didn’t do that, though.” He rolls his head across the bean bag, tilting it from side to side like he’s trying to knock a thought loose from the depths of his mind. “I just wanted him to be happy, after everything he told me, he deserves to be happy. You know? And I said I packed his bags because I thought he cheated on me.” He makes a hysterical sound, loud and choking, while he closes his eyes, hiding the beautiful brown irises from me.
“Do you realize how much of a hypocrite I was? To say that, knowing how much he regretted everything with Kian, and then I threw it back in his face to give a reason why I wanted to leave. And it wasn’t the truth. The truth is, I knew it was over as soon as he saw Kian. Do you know how I know?” Hunter’s eyes open, a sheen of water covering them and waiting to be let free to trail down his face.
“Because it’s the same way you used to look at me.” His voice is choked, and a sob cracks free from his chest, wracking his body. I move toward him, and he holds up his hand. “But that’s not why I asked you to meet up today.”
I hold my breath until I feel like I might pass out from lack of oxygen. “I asked you to come here so you could explain to me what happened. We wereso good.”The emphasis on those two words makes me realize how deeply true they are. We were great together. I’ve been holding onto his love in my heart, protecting it with my ribcage with every defense I have. Never wanting to part from it.
I approach him slowly and rest my back against the bean bag he’s taking up residence in, soaking up the feeling of being so close to him.
And I tell him everything. My father’s abuse, my mother’s neglect, the night my parents died. Every moment between then and now, spewed out of my lips and coating the walls of this sacred place with my darkness.
“I managed to break off the wedding plans between me and Danielle after my dad’s associates were charged with embezzlement. Her mom was a key player, and I wouldn’t let her fuck with my and Danielle’s lives anymore. I didn’t want to have that cloud hanging over my head when I had a different goal in mind.”
“Adam, I—” I turn around, sitting up on my knees to look him in the face.
“Shh. It’s okay, Collins. You don’t have to say anything.”
“But your mom almost killed you. She was going to kill you.” I shrug my shoulders, because what can I do about it now?
“That’s why…” He trails off, and I nod my head. “That’s fucked.”
I mock gasp. “I’ve never heard you cuss!” His cheeks flush that pink color that I love so much, and I smile gleefully.
“I do! Sometimes,” he mumbles, ducking his head to cover his face.
I don’t say anything, just letting the moment wash over me. The truth of my fucked up life is out there, and I can’t takeit back. But I don’t want to, because I trust Hunter enough to protect my secrets, even if he has no reason to. It’s just who he is.
“And that night, when you overheard…” I let the sentence die, not wanting to acknowledge that night when we’d finally worked past part of my issues. “I panicked. That’s the simplest excuse I can come up with. I was panicking, and Danielle had found out. But hear me when I say this.” Deep breath. “That night was the worst night of my life, worse than everything I went through with my parents because I denied you, denied what my heart really wanted. Your mom told me what you heard, but you missed the second half.”
“Adam—” Hunter starts, his voice is scratchy and his lips are downturned, the slight frown creating a crease between his brows that I want to smooth out with my fingers.
“As soon as I realized what I did, I backtracked. I told Danielle everything. About us, the nights spent together in my room, walking across campus with us holding hands when no one was around. All of it.” I don’t tell him that I confessed my feelings for him as well to Danielle, because that might be too much already. And the first time I say them to him, I want him to know how much I mean them.
“What about me being weird?” My chest aches, and I reach my hand out to rub his arm in a soothing gesture.
“You aren’t weird, Hunter. You’re… extraordinary. The most caring person I know. You feel everything so deeply, so much deeper than any person. Every quirk and personality trait you have is what makes you,you.And you’re perfect.” He snorts, the sound condescending, and I squeeze my hand tighter around his arm. “I’m serious, if you saw yourself the way I do, and the way everyone else does as well, you wouldn’t doubt what I’m saying for a moment. And when I said she told me to be your friend, that was the truth. But you, more than anyone, should know that I don’t do something just because I’m told. I tried to fightit, to keep you at arm’s length. Not because I didn’t want to be your friend, but because that first moment I met you, in that dorm lobby, I knew you would wreck my world. I tried to fight the inevitable. But the feelings were unstoppable. They were a train on tracks, already set in motion from before our paths had crossed. You were meant for me, just as much as I was meant for you.”
He doesn’t respond, and I don’t need him to. I don’t know what he was expecting to come out of this meeting, but what I do know is I love him just as much as I did in my dorm room all those years ago. My feelings haven’t faded or dimmed in the slightest.
“That was… a lot,” he finally says, and I exhale a rough breath.
“Yeah, it was.” I chuckle.
I want to ask him where we go from here, but I’m too scared to do that now. I’ve already put my heart on the line, and I need to know where he stands before I try to move this forward.
