Page 41 of To Love a Monster
“I thought she was in Berlin.”
“Apparently not.”A beat.
“Jesus fucking Christ,” Matteo mutters, rubbing a hand over his mouth.“That woman doesn’t touch field work.She doesn’t move unless there’s blood money involved.If she’s on this, there’s a good chance that she’s the architect.”
“Not just that,” I say.“She’s given the signal.If Annalise is actively involved in this and openly communicating with field agents, then the Syndicate’s done planning.They’re moving.”Matteo’s eyes sharpen to ice.Annalise.The White Widow in Syndicate circles.High command and never public.
Never seen unless she wants to be and well known for orchestrating high-level abductions, political pressure, blackmail campaigns.But this ...this feels a bit more personal.
I hesitate to speak again, just long enough for him to notice.Matteo leans forward again.His eyes flicker when he sees it, the shift in my posture, the tension behind my silence.It’s like he already knows what I’m about to say, what I’m thinking.But I say it anyway
“Matteo, I don’t think Lila should be left in the dark anymore.”
“No.”he says, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms.His tone is flat and final.
“She’s exposed, Matteo.I’m gaining her trust, but so is Carl.Her guard is down with both of us.That makes her vulnerable.”
“She’s always been vulnerable,” he snaps, but it’s not anger, it’s control.“That’s why you’re there.”I hold his gaze.
“You asked me to keep her safe,” I say, my voice low and steady.“And I have.I have spent every second since being assigned to this job doing what I can to keep her safe.I’ve done it without asking questions.”I lean in slightly, words clipped and exact.“But I can only protect her to the full extent of what I’m capable of ...if you trust me to do my job.”
I hold his gaze.“I need room to move, to tell her what she needs to hear, not just what keeps your conscience clean.Right now, I’m playing defense with one hand tied behind my back.You want her safe?”I shake my head.“Then stop treating her like a ghost you can lock away in silence.She’s already in the middle of a fucking battlefield getting fired at from all angles.She just doesn’t know it and in my experience, that’s what gets people killed.”
He’s silent for a few moments as he leans back, the cigarette finally reaching his lips again as he takes a long drag.Measured and precise.
“You want to tell her everything?”he asks, voice cool enough to blister, like frostbite hiding beneath a calm surface.“That she was born into blood?That the name she wears isn’t hers?That everything she’s built for herself is balanced on a lie I crafted to keep her alive?”He exhales smoke, leaning forward on his desk again, eyes narrowing.
“You think that won’t shatter her?That she won’t spiral?Think she won’t run from you the second she finds out you knew all along and didn’t say a word?That you were sent by a stranger to watch her?”His voice drops lower, darker now.
“Or worse, what if she doesn’t believe you at all?What if she thinks you’re manipulating her?”he pushes but I interrupt before he can carry on.
“Like I said, I’ve gained her trust, but that’s a double-edged blade.The more time we spend together, the more questions she’ll start asking.And every time I lie, every time I dodge a question, every detail that doesn’t add up, she’s storing that.Quietly.And if the truth finally comes when someone tries to take her?”I shake my head once.“It’ll break her.Not just because of what’s happening but because I knew.Because I said nothing when the simple truth could have possibly been enough to keep her cautious.”I meet Matteo’s eyes.
“If that trust shatters in the moment I need it most, I won’t be able to get close enough to protect her again.She won’t run toward me, she’ll run from me.Guaranteed.”A beat.“But if I give her the truth first ...the right amount, at the right time ...she’ll listen.She’ll trust that what I’m doing is to keep her safe.And that might be the difference between us keeping her breathing or burying her.”
Ash falls from his cigarette, the smoke curling in the still air.Matteo’s gaze hardens, his voice turns low and precise.“You make it sound very convincing, Nikolai.Logical and clean.It’s almost like you care for my daughter.”He pauses, just long enough to feel intentional.
“But I’ve seen you when something crawls under your skin, when the lines between mission and obsession start to blur.”His stare sharpens.
“You’ve crossed paths with the Syndicate before.Withher.Don’t think I’ve forgotten about what happened.”He doesn’t say Annalise’s name.Doesn’t need to.
“Don’t tell me that hearing her voice after all that happened hasn’t shaken something loose.Don’t tell me this sudden urgency to bring Lila in, to confide in her, has nothing to do with the woman pulling strings on the other side of the wire.”Another pause.This one colder.
“You say this is about keeping Lila safe.But from where I’m sitting, it looks a hell of a lot like you’re circling the flame again.And this time, it’s my daughter standing in the fire.”My jaw tightens, breath steady despite the heat rising in my chest.I should have known that as soon as I mentioned Annalise he’d have his guard up again.And to be honest, with all that happened between us, I don’t blame him.Not entirely.But now is not the time to make assumptions about a past best forgotten.
“Let’s get something clear,” I say, voice low, measured but steel beneath the calm.“I was brought in by you to protect Lila.Thatis my job.Thatis my priority.”I lean forward slightly, eyes locked to the screen.
“And I don’t give a fuck what history I have with Annalise or what ghosts you think I’m still chasing.That woman has nothing to do with the reason I’m standing here right now.”I say, controlled and cold.
“You think I’d use Lila as bait to settle an old score?”My voice hardens.“You think I’d gamble with her just to get close enough to finish something I buried years ago?”I shake my head once.
“You hired me because I’m the one man who won’t fold under pressure.The one who doesn’t break protocol.Who sees the job through even when it’s a fucking bloodbath.”Another breath.
“I’m not here for revenge, Matteo.I’m here to protect your daughter.From every angle, every threat, including the one sitting quietly in the house next door.”I pause again, then lower my voice.
“Whether you trust my reasons or not, I will keep her safe.With my body, my name, my fuckinglife.”The silence stretches long between us.Then I finish, steady and absolute.“Everything else is just meaningless noise to me.”
There’s a long beat of silence, just the soft crackle of static between us and the low burn of his cigarette.Then Matteo exhales slowly, the smoke curling in front of his mouth like a veil he doesn’t bother to hide behind.His voice is quieter now as his eyes soften and he shakes his head.
