Page 45 of To Love a Monster
His face twists, grief and rage and disbelief battling for dominance.And then he moves again, closing the distance between us once more.He closes in so quickly and I move until my back hits the wall.His hand is braced beside my head, his body caging mine in.Rough, controlled and seething.
His other hand shoots out to catch my jaw, and his eyes, God, his eyes, they’re wild and haunted.“You don’t fucking mean that,” he growls, his voice low and full of emotion as his emerald eyes bore into me.
I swallow hard, fighting to stand my ground as I speak.“I do.”But I don’t sound believable even to my own ears.
“No.You don’t.”He presses closer, his chest against mine, breath warm and furious between us.One hand wipes away a tear that hasn’t yet fallen.“You can lie to yourself all you want.”His voice is low now.“Tell yourself this was nothing.That you don’t want me.That you don’tneedme.That I’m the worst mistake you’ve ever made.”His hand runs down the side of my body, fingers trailing like heat and ownership.
“But we both know that’s not true.You feel this like I do.Every touch, every kiss.”I shudder beneath him, hating how much of it is true, hating how badly I want it not to be.His forehead presses to mine and his voice is barely a whisper now.
“You were meant for me, Lila.And I was meant for you.Whether you want to admit it or not.”His thumb brushes my lower lip and my breath catches.“Fuck what’s normal.Fuck how you think this is supposed to work.Because this?Us?”His mouth is so close I can taste it.“This is real.”He swallows hard and moves back, leaving me gasping like he stole the air from my lungs.
“But if you can look me in the eye and tell me you truly hate me, tell me that you regret every moment, that you never want to see me again, then I’ll leave.”His hand drops from my body.“I’ll never touch you again.I’ll walk away from this. I’ll still protect you, even if you hate me, even if you never speak to me again.Because you may not know how you feel right now, but I do.”The room is still and my pulse is like a war drum.He steps back even more now, enough to let the question breathe.
“So...”His voice cracks on the edge of restraint, low and ragged, barely tethered.
“Tell me, Lila.Do I mean nothing to you?Is this all just a waste of your precious fucking time?”He’s not masking anything anymore.There’s no cold control, no calculated quiet.It’s all there.In his voice, in his eyes, on his face like war paint that’s started to bleed.His jaw is tight, but not with anger.With ache, with everything he’s trying to hold in and can’t anymore.
“Tell me right now,” he says again, softer now.“And I will walk out that door.You will never hear from me or see me again.I give you my word.”I can tell he’s not bluffing.And that’s the part that hurts most, he means it.Every word.I see it written all over him.No armor, no lies.Just a man who’s already chosen me, even if I choose to burn him for it.
Chapter Seventeen
Lila
His eyes burn throughme like a fuse.He’s still standing there, just a breath away, like he’s waiting for the hammer to drop.Waiting for me to shove him out the door.To scream at him again.But I don’t.I don’t even move.Because no matter how much it hurts, how many cracks he’s split into my heart, I can’t un-feel him.Can’t un-need him.And I sure as hell can’t lie to myself now.
“Well?”he asks.
I tilt my chin up and sigh, my voice is barely above a whisper “No.I don’t want you to le—” That’s all it takes.Before I even finish my sentence he’s moving, grabbing me by the waist and lifting me clear off the floor.My gasp barely escapes before his mouth crashes into mine.Hard and possessive.Like he’s claiming every piece of me that I tried to push him away from.
My back hits the wall, legs wrapping instinctively around his waist.I feel him, hard and pulsing between us.He doesn’t stop kissing me.Not even to breathe.He kisses like it’s a war, like he’s losing his mind.His lips drag down my neck, slow and rough, his stubble scraping lightly as he works his way to the soft spot just beneath my ear.
“Do you want me, Lila?”he murmurs, voice a growl against my throat.I nod silently, my heart beating hard in my chest. “Tell me.”he says and my breath catches.I don’t even hesitate this time.
“I want you, Nikolai.”A low sound rips from his chest, half groan, half growl, and then he’s moving.Carrying me down the hallway.My heart’s thundering, heat licking through every inch of me as we pass the threshold of my bedroom.
He doesn’t lay me down right away.Instead, he lowers me onto the floor and turns me to face my full-length mirror.The one I never use because I don’t like looking at myself too long.But now I can’t look away as Nikolai stands behind me, hands sliding up my sides until they’re cupping my chest.His thumbs brush over my nipples through the thin camisole, and I gasp, my knees going soft.
