Page 70 of To Love a Monster
Matteo contemplates this for a moment, and I can tell that he knows what I’m saying is right.After explaining everything she said to me on the roof, he knows she thinks she has a shot at having me join her again.Eventually, he shakes his head and sighs.“All right then.”Matteo says calmly.“You’ll protect her at all costs.If you feel that you have a better chance of staying hidden from these fuckers by hunting in the shadows, then that’s what we’ll do.We’ll make the necessary arrangements to have her physically guarded wherever she goes and you keep tabs from afar until this is all over.But I want you close enough to act if anything happens.”
Matteo’s expression softens for the first time since we sat and he looks at me, not like a soldier, not like a weapon, but like a man who sees what I truly feel.Who sees the agony I’m choking on.
“You’re making the right call, Nikolai.It’s only temporary,” he says.“We’re doing what we have to now, so that she survives long enough to have a future.If staying close makes it harder to trick Annalise into thinking she has a chance of making a deal with you, then distancing yourself is the right move.”
I exhale hard, clenching my jaw until it aches.“Give me one month,” I say softly.“Just one.I’ll help her heal and settle.It gives me time to set up the new place in town and get my best team in place with security that can’t be breached.We’ll also need a cover story for when we get back.We don’t know who’s involved in leaking her identity and the last thing we need is to lay all our cards on the table in front of the source.”
Matteo looks at me for a long time.Then nodds once.“I agree.I’ll have a smaller safe house set up for you.You have one month and then we need to end this.”
Chapter Twenty-Six
Lila
The safehouse Matteosent us to is nothing like the last one.This one feels like it was carved out of the earth itself, hidden somewhere high in the cliffs where trees outnumber people and the wind carries nothing but silence.It takes a helicopter to get here.A private one piloted by a man who doesn’t ask questions and never removes his mirrored aviators.The only other person here besides the two of us is a chef who stays in a building out of sight and leaves trays of food and groceries at our door each day so we don’t have to leave.
It’s been a month since we arrived and somehow, I feel more like myself than I have in years.My body’s healed faster than I expected.The bruises faded quickly and the cuts closed.My ribs still ache when I laugh too hard but it’s a reminder I survived.Not everyone does.And Nikolai, he’s been here every day.No shadows in the corner, no masks, just him and I.We spend our mornings wrapped in each other.We cook together sometimes.Read, go for walks, and talk about the future.I feel like I’ve reached an all-time high and despite everything that’s happened, I don’t regret a single thing because it led me here, to this exact moment, to this man.It’s safe to say that I’ve fallen head over heels for the wolf in the woods and I wouldn’t change a damn thing.
We don’t speak about what happened unless I bring it up and I’m grateful that he never pushes too hard.It’s our second to last day here.I’m curled up on the couch in a blanket that smells like him, watching the trees sway through the reinforced windows.The light here is different, fresh, and clean.
He walks in from the hallway still in a black t-shirt and joggers, barefoot and quiet.
“I’ll miss this,” I say, not looking at him.“The quiet.Just being alone with you."
Nikolai doesn't speak right away.He comes behind the couch, leans down and brushes his lips to the top of my head.Then he moves to sit next to me, his arm sliding around my waist.
He looks at me for a long moment, eyes burning low and quiet like coals waiting to catch.Then he cups my jaw and kisses me, slow and deep.The kind of kiss that says more than words ever could.The kind that reminds me it’s been too long since we’ve let ourselves fall into each other completely.At first it was sweet, but now it’s become extremely frustrating.Since we arrived, his touch has been careful and hesitant, almost like he's afraid he’ll hurt me.
He doesn't say it, but I feel it in the tension of his body, in the way his breath stutters just slightly against my lips.It’s like he wants more but he’s holding back.He won't let himself give in like before and I’ve found myself craving the roughness of his touch and the way he dominates in the bedroom.
When he finally pulls away, he rests his forehead against mine.“You’re going to have peace again, little lamb.”he says.“Not just here.But wherever you go from now on.”
“It won’t be the same,” I whisper.I'd grown so used to living alone in his presence.We'd had minimal contact with the outside world.According to my parents and Tess, I'd met Nikolai at the cabin and fallen in love.We’d decided to spend some time alone getting to know each other some more.They're not too happy about it, but I don't care.I'm positive they'll learn to love him once they get to meet him.
“No, it won't.”he agrees.“But it’ll be normal like it was before.You’ll paint again, visit your parents, laugh with Tess.You’ll be able to go back to the way things were, and I’ll make sure you live a life that's as close to normal as it can possibly be, considering.”
I nod, swallowing the sudden emotion building in my throat.“I know.I just...I don’t want it to end.But I am excited to introduce you to my exceptionally boring life.Things like grocery shopping together, picking out furniture, arguing over what color to paint the guest bathroom.”I laugh under my breath.“I want to go out for dinner with you.Walk in the park and hold your hand.Go on picnics.Even if it’s different now...I know you’ll keep me safe.And because we’re prepared this time, really prepared, I think we can keep the beasts at bay.”
