Page 36 of The Atonement
“No, Peter,” she said, her voice a low growl. “No.I’m leaving you. I’m taking the kids. It is over. Do you hear me? It’s over! We’re done.”
“We’re not. You’ll never be rid of me, don’t you see that? We’re made for each other, Ains. We’re a perfect match. You can’t leave me, not really. People who’ve been through everything we’ve been through together don’t just get to walk away.”
She bared her teeth, taking a step back from me. “Iamleaving you. The kids are already gone, and I’m next. You’ll never see us again. Don’t contact us. Don’t try to find us. Just move on with your life. Have the house—sell it, keep it, whatever. Have your secrets. Have your little hobbies. But we’re done.I’mdone.”
“Wh-what are you talking about? Gone? Gone where? Where are the kids? Where are you going?”
“Are you even listening to me? I’mnottelling you that—”
“But you can’t just take them. I’m their father. They need me—”
“They need a murderer?” She charged toward me without warning, and I bumped into the car again in an attempt to back up. She wagged her finger at me, her nail practically scraping my nose. “A monster?”
“Pot meet kettle,” I muttered. I hadn’t meant to say it, but I couldn’t help the slip.
“They don’t need you,” she repeated, her voice feral and ragged. She puffed out a breath, smoothing her shirt. “That’s what I came here to say.” Her eyes flitted back and forth between mine, as if she was searching for something—a question, an answer, a sign—and then she turned on her heel, prepared to leave me. I grabbed her arm without thinking, acting on pure animal instinct. She was going to take everything from me. She was going to leave me alone. She jerked back, ripping her arm from my grasp as if it were a fight for her life. “Don’t touch me,” she shouted.
“Ainsley, please—”
“Don’t ever touch me again,” she said once more, her lips pressing into a thin line. She took another step back, holding the stun gun in the air as she reached the doorway. If I let her walk out, I’d never see her again.
I knew it in my gut.
If she escaped, that would be it. I’d have let her walk away from me without a fight. Whatwould she do if the situation were reversed? What would she expect me to do?
“Why did you even come here?” I demanded. “If that was all you were going to tell me, why bother?”
“Because I needed you tohearit.” She pointed at her ear. “Not consider it part of the chase. Not ignore me. I needed you tohearme say the words and see the absolute sincerity on my face. I needed to make sure you heard me loud and clear so there is no confusion.”
I nodded slowly.
“Why are you smirking?”
Had I been?
“You wanted to see me.”
She groaned, both hands near her temples. “You aren’t listening to me.”
“Oh, I’m listening just fine, but I know you better than you think I do, Ainsley. You wanted to see me. It’s the only reason that makes sense for you coming here. I know that like I know you’d never actually take the kids away. Just like I know you’re coming home. You’d never break up our family. You need us to be together. You need things to be normal.”
“That’s where you’re wrong.” She tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. “I’m not the same woman I was back then. I’m not the same woman you married. I’ve come to realize there are worse things than divorce. Worse things than breaking up a family. Much worse.”
“I’ve been a good father to them.”
“Debatable.”
“How? Name one thing I’ve done to ever hurt—”
“How many times did you wash someone’s blood from your hands in the same sink where your children brush their teeth at night?” She was growing frantic. “How many times have you missed things because you were so focused on someone chained up in your murder room?”
“I never use chains.”
“How many times,” she growled, “have you let your children down because you were too busy to notice that they needed you?”
“I could ask you the same thing.”
She started to walk away, but stopped, spinning back to face me. “That’s the difference between you and me, Peter.I’mwilling to change. Iamchanging. You…you will never change.” She looked me up and down, sizing me up with her upper lip curled in disgust.
