Page 133 of Faking the Pass
Then he looked down at his wife with the most adoring expression. “But Jess has an obsession withOutlander, and after watching Episode Seven, I decided not to argue.”
Now it was my sister-in-law’s turn to blush. She changed the subject.
“What about you two? Looks likeyou’rehaving fun.”
She was clearly thrilled to have seen us kissing. Jessica had treated my marriage to Rosie like the real deal right from the beginning, and there were times I shared her hope.
I’d long since given up trying to resist falling in love with my wife. The fact that I’d agreed to wear these revealing pants in public was proof of that.
I only hoped she’d been coming around to the same conclusion I had—that our fake marriage wasn’t fake at all.
“It’s had its moments,” Rosie said. “You look gorgeous.”
“So do you,” Jess gushed. “You look like Cinderella was always meant to look. I can’t wait to see you in the movie. Are you going to go to the premiere?”
Rosie nodded but didn’t look happy about it.
“I have to. It’s in my contract,” she said. “Randy threatened to scrap the film and reshoot it without me, but I guess he’s changed his mind. He didn’t say anything about it tonight. Really, I just want it all to be over with so I don’t have to see him anymore.”
Jessica’s face crumpled in sympathy. “I hate that he ruined your movie debut for you.”
“It’s okay. Champagne problems, right?” Rosie said and gave her a sad smile.
The two of them got into conversation, and Wilder asked about my recovery progress.
“I feel great,” I said. “I think I’m ready to play, but I have to convince the coach, the trainers, the medical people, and my agent of that.”
“You could just sit out the rest of the season and make sure, go back fully healthy next season,” my brother said, as if it was no big deal.
“If I don’t do it this season, the Super Bowl record might be off the table. I’m not getting any younger.”
As a former player himself, Wilderknewthis.
“You know, you’re still going to be the same person no matter how many records you break or set. It’s not really going to change anything.”
“Okay, what’s your point?”
“The point is go ahead and be happy now,” Wilder said. “Stop waiting for things to be perfect. Perfect doesn’t exist. It’s likea goalpost that keeps on moving. If you keep chasing it, you may wake up one day and find you’re very far from where you actually want to be. You’ve got to find a way to be happy in the here and now.”
“Easy for you to say,” I said. “You already proved yourself on the field of battle. My battlefield might not be life and death, but I need to do the same.”
“I nearlylostmyself on the battlefield,” Wilder says. “The thing you’ve got to ask yourself is… when will it be enough?”
His question reminded me of the one Rosie had asked me the day after I found her asleep in my house. I hadn’t had the answer then, and I didn’t have it now.
“I don’t know,” I admitted. “But I’m not there yet.”
Wilder shot a glance over at our wives chatting away happily. “From where I’m standing, you’re getting pretty damn close, Super Bowl record or not.”
Looking at my big brother, whom I’d followed everywhere as a child and grown up doing my best to imitate, I made an impromptu confession.
“You know I’ve always felt inadequate next to you.”
“That is total bullshit,” he said. “You’re way better than I ever was.”
“Only because you didn’t play as long,” I argued. “But I’m not just talking about football.”
Wilder shook his head in apparent amazement. “Don’t you think I have those feelings too?”
