Page 25 of Wine & Whiskey: Everything for You
“Theywon’t oryouwon’t?”
Always confined by the limits implemented by others, she craves the independence Nick inspires in her, the need to remove the constraints weighing her down. “I guess me. I don’t want to be that person anymore, but I don’t want anyone to be mad at me for changing, for being different than I was before.”
“If you weren’t worried about what other people thought, what would you do?”
“Fire my manager. Quit recording and focus on acting. Take an extended honeymoon with Nick and get away from all the craziness for a while.”
Dr. Meyer smiles and nods toward her hand. “I see the beautiful ring on your finger. There’s a decision you’ve made all by yourself.”
“Yes.” A smile she can’t repress crosses her lips as she brushes over the stone with her thumb. A reminder of Nick’s love even when he’s not with her. “What should I do about the others?”
“Only you know what’s best for you. A technique I recommend is to make a list of your goals. Consider all of the pros and cons. Seeing them written out on paper can help crystallize what you want and why.” Rolling her pen between her fingers, the doctor tilts her head as she continues. “Keep in mind, though, you’ve been through a lot. Give yourself some time. Mourn your baby. Then, you’ll be ready to make tough decisions.”
“Okay.”
“I know you were anxious earlier, but you seem to have relaxed a bit. Are you feeling better from what we’ve discussed?”
She hugs the pillow again, her cheeks burning with embarrassment. “I’m ashamed to say it, because I love her, but I don’t want to be like my mom. She had problems.”
“With her mental health, you mean?”
Common knowledge among her friends and Team Shae, her mom was erratic, difficult to work with, prone to unexpected outbursts. The label hinted at, yet no one willing to say the actual word. Unpredictable, over-protective, strict, but never crazy. She nods and takes a deep breath. “I don’t want that to happen to me.”
“Just like physical ailments, sometimes they can be hereditary. Other times, trauma can trigger emotional distress. Either way, you’ve made a good first step in coming here. I can promise you you’re not…” The physician curls her fingers in air quotes and shakes her head. “‘crazy.’ You’ve identified your concerns, and you’re going to develop a plan to achieve the goals you want for yourself. We can work together to help you overcome your fears and make the changes you want in your life.” She pauses for a minute, glancing through her written notes. “I think that’s enough for today. We’ve covered a lot, and I know you have some things to think about. I would like to see you again next week, okay?”
A hint of optimism sparks from the absolution of her worry. More grounded than she’s felt in a long time. “Yes, please. I would like that.”
The doctor strides to an antique writing desk and bends over her tablet, swiping the screen. “I have you scheduled for ten o’clock next Tuesday. We’ll work together to get you where you need to be, so you can trust yourself to make your own decisions.”
“Thank you.”
Nick jumps to his feet as soon as Dr. Meyer opens the office door and reaches for her. “All finished?”
Dr. Meyer gives them a small wave. “I’ll see you next week, Shae.”
Hand-in-hand they walk to the parking lot, his thumb rubbing against her fingers, reassuring her with his gentle touch. He helps her into the car, and she reaches for him again after he climbs in on the driver’s side. “Thank you for getting my appointment moved up. I like her a lot. She has this great way of making everything seem so clear.”
His smile contrasts with the worry lines etching his face. “You’re welcome. I’m glad she helped you. All I want is for you to be happy.”
She smooths her hands across his forehead and down his cheeks, the feel of his skin against hers generating the comfort he always gives her. “I know. I want the same for you.”
“I am.” His body softens with relief, and she smiles as he kisses her forehead and brushes back her hair from her cheeks. “I have a meeting with the Foundation I can’t miss, but while I’m gone, there’s someone who’s anxious to see you.”
Happiness courses through her at the suggestion of her best friend. “Carrie?”
“Yeah, I talked to her while you were in your appointment. She wants you all to herself for a while.” His attempt to feign nonchalance fails from the uncertainty flickering in his wide eyes.
“I want to see her too, but I know what you guys are up to. You don’t have to take turns babysitting me.”
“I know. Just humor me. It makes me feel better to have you with her while I’m gone.”
Shame fills her stomach. He thinks she’s crazy and can’t be left alone. Her arms fall away, and she sinks back into her seat. “I’m fine. You don’t have to worry about me losing it again.”
“It’s not that.”
She looks over at him, her heart dropping at the darkness of his expression. “Then what?”
“What Dr. Patterson said.” He runs his hands over his face, following the trail where hers had been seconds before. “I don’t want you to be alone when the miscarriage happens.”
