Page 3 of Collin: Episodes 10-12
Collin blinked. “No?”
“You bought a lot of stuff. The whole living room was different.”
“I mean, we vacuumed, opened the windows. Just the normal stuff.”
“You emptied the fridge.”
“Uh, yeah?”
“Why?”
“It needed doing.”
His mother rocked back and forth, still gripping the railing. “You’re not coming back, are you?”
What does that have to do with what we’ve been talking about?
“Not really, I mean, to visit, yes, but to live here, no, not really.”
“You’re ashamed of us?”
Collin ran his hand over his eyes. “No. I think you’re amazing. And I’m proud of the three of us, what we’ve been through.”
“But when you come back, nothing’s good enough for you anymore.” She shot him a look that was almost pure venom but also hurt. “You’re always fixing things.”
“I—” Collin lost his voice for a moment and looked down at his hands. “I don’t understand. I didn’t think I did anything different this time. You’re busy at the school a lot, and it’s a big house. I always help when I come back. I helped before I left.”
“Help.” Dr. Ryker laughed. It wasn’t pleasant. “You’re helping. Not doing your part, no, just helping.” She made air quotes. “I don’t want you to help, Collin. I want you to be doing your part. Like you were before you got swept off your feet.”
“Did you…” Collin swallowed and blinked back tears. “Did you think, before this fall, that I was coming back here?”
“Of course! Why else would I keep such a big house?”
“Mom, there’s…you know there’s no future for me here, right?”
“Of course, there’s a future for you here, Collin. You’re the one running away from it.”
Collin sagged against the railing. Mr. Reevesworth’s words ran through his head along with the things he’d thought about when Mr. Reevesworth had asked him to imagine living by his mother’s wishes before he’d made the decision to take the rest of the semester off.
“People here aren’t doing the things I want to be doing, Mom. I don’t fit here.”
She was tense as a rod beside him. “I want you to be happy, Collin. What I don’t understand is why what makes you happy has to be far away. You and your sister. I thought we were close.”
“We are.”
“Then why are you both leaving?” She pushed off against the railing. The word
“me” dangled unsaid in the night. “We should get the pretzels. The food will be served soon.”
Back in the restaurant, Collin could barely focus on the conversation. The food was just food. The roar between his ears was drowning out his other senses. Mr. Reevesworth and Alice were talking animatedly about cross-cultural sensitivity. Mr. Reevesworth was sharing funny stories about international communication glitches in his businesses, and Alice was relating incidents she’d had working with the international student union on her campus. Dr. Ryker made appropriate noises now and then but mostly kept to eating. Under the table, Mr. Reevesworth had his hand on Collin’s leg.
Partway through, Collin slipped away to use the bathroom and pay the bill. He came back to the table and asked if anyone wanted dessert. Alice wanted chocolate cake and vanilla ice cream to go. Mr. Reevesworth checked his watch.
“We should sleep soon, Collin.”
“Yes, sir.” Collin inclined his head. “Mom, do you want anything?”
“I’m fine, thank you.” Dr. Ryker motioned the waiter over and pointed to her soft drink for a refill.
