Page 45 of Our Big White Lie
We did, and wow, this was an exercise in frustration.
Did anyone—Mariah, the assistant,orAva—have a clue how much I wished she and I were always this affectionate?
How much I’d have given to cuddle up to her on a park bench like this? Or gaze into Ava’s eyes while we both tried (and failed) not to collapse into giggles? Or when she put her head on my shoulder while she was laughing, how natural it felt to wrap my arms around her and kiss her forehead?
God, this was both amazing and torture. Every time our fingers brushed, every time her soft skin warmed mine, every time we looked at each other…
How do I tell you I want this to be real?
Hopefully, I kept that all under the surface. So far, no one had given any indication that they’d noticed. With any luck, the camera hadn’t noticed.
After a while, Mariah switched lenses and said, “Let’s get the ring up close.”
At her direction, Ava put her left hand over the top of mine. Mariah adjusted everything a little, probably trying to get just the right shadows and composition. If she said anything, it flew over my head because I was laser-focused on the warmth and softness of Ava’s hand on mine.
After at least two dozen shots, Mariah lowered the camera. “I think we’re good here. We’ve still got plenty of light, so let’s switch outfits.”
The park had a swimming pool with changing rooms, and we used those to switch outfits. Neither of us wore much makeup as a general rule, but since we were doing a photo shoot, we took the time to put some on.
Ava was, of course, stunning. She always was, whether she was made up for a night out or not wearing a speck of makeup while her dark hair was tied back in a messy ponytail. She was cute as hell in the sundress, just like she was in her oversized flannel pajamas or the elegant dress she’d worn as a friend’s bridesmaid. I didn’t think it was possible for her tonotlook amazing.
And somehow, I was the one walking back out into the park with her, hand in hand like a real couple, as our photographer—ourengagementphotographer—waited.
Maybe it was just as well this wasn’t the real deal. I wasn’t so sure I could handle all the emotions that would come with actually marrying Ava.
Though, glancing at her on the way across the grass…
Maybe it would be worth it? I’d never been that overwhelmed by someone. I wasn’t sure I could handle it, but nothing ventured, nothing?—
“Okay, ladies,” Mariah said brightly. “Let’s have you sit on the edge of the fountain. The light is perfect.”
I shook my thoughts away, and we did as we were told, perching on the concrete ledge surrounding the fountain.
“This light isperfect,” Mariah repeated as she raised her camera. “You two are gorgeous.”
I smiled and I was pretty sure Ava did too. We posed for a few photos, arms taking Mariah’s cues for where to put our hands, where to lean, how to sit.
And then…
“How about a kiss?”
My heart jumped into my throat. I turned to Ava, sure I’d find my own apprehension in her eyes. There was a little bit of concern, but mostly—was that a spark of excitement? Glee? Happiness?
She leaned in. Then I did. I glanced at her lips. Then her eyes. She did the same—gaze flicking to my lips before meeting my eyes again. We’d done this before, so I wasn’t sure why we were hesitating. Or even if we were hesitating. Maybe we just weren’t rushing? I didn’t know. I couldn’t think.
Somehow, the space between us narrowed to a sliver. We paused there, lips almost touching, my pulse absolutely thundering in my ears, and then…
Oh God.
Kissing Ava the first time had shaken my whole foundation. Doing it right now—in front of a camera lens capturing it for posterity—felt amazing. It was jarring, and it was perfect, and it felt like the most normal thing ever, and it felt like summiting Everest.
Or maybe I just wasn’t getting enough oxygen to my brain because, oh my God, I was kissing Ava and I’d forgotten how to breathe.
When we came up for air, we locked eyes, the whole world around us forgotten.
Distantly, I was aware of the camera shutter firing a few times. Even more distantly, the sounds of people going about their lives elsewhere in the park.
But mostly, my heart was pounding and my mind was reeling.
