Page 43 of The Godhead Complex
“Trish. Just sit.” She motioned next to her and Trish plopped down. “Listen . . .”
“Nothing good happens when you sayListento someone . . .”
“Listen,” Sadina repeated firmly. She needed Trish to get past her own insecurities to really hear what Sadina was about to tell her. Trish nervously cracked her knuckles and Sadina reached for her hands. “When you’re nervous, you needthis.” Sadina bounced Trish’s hand in her own. “You need touch, and reassurance, and words of affirmation.” She paused to think of how best to explain the next part. “But when I’m nervous, or scared, or I don’t know how I feel . . .” She let go of Trish’s hand to point to herself. “I don’t need that. In fact, when you do what makesyoufeel better to me—it can feel uncomfortable sometimes and . . .”
She took a deep breath when Trish’s eyes started to tear up. “Look, I know you went through hell when Isaac and I got kidnapped. I know it was harder than hard and it was for me, too. I thought about you every single second. And when I came back you were just so relieved, but you haven’t let me out of your sight for more than five minutes, and I need—”
“I know. I’m sorry, I just—I fell asleep and then Dominic shouted something and I got startled and you weren’t there and—”
“It’s not just today, or right now. I need you to know that when I’m going through something, the kind of support I need is space. Even though I love you more than anything in this universe. But we’re all on top of each other down there and I don’t always need to be—”
“So you’re saying you want . . . space . . .” Her voice lowered.
“I’m saying that what comfortsyou, can be overwhelming tome. Touch comforts you, while it can feel suffocating at times to me.” Sadina was trying so hard to be slow and gentle with her words, but no matter how it was said, the wordsuffocatinghad just come out of her mouth. Formed itself into a weapon and stabbed Trish in the gut.
“You’re suffocated . . . ?” Trish stood up and walked to the railing of the ship.Shit, Sadina thought.
“Trish, let me finish.” She caught up to her.
“No. I don’t want tosuffocateyou. I’ll just stand over here and cry by myself since my girlfriend needs space.”
“I’m not breaking up with you.”
“Sadina, that’s exactly whatI need spacemeans!” Trish gave her a cutting look.
“I know, but it’s not what I mean.” She took another deep breath. “I want you to know how I feel in case anything happens. Anything could happen to us in Alaska, and if they need me to go into some weird place without you, I need to know that you’re okay and not going to lose your shit because I’m not there. And if somethingbadhappens . . . like losing my mom . . .” Sadina swallowed hard and tried to tame the tears that appeared like dew at the thought of her mom. “What will comfort me more than anything else in bad times is just helping me create space. I need more alone time than you. I need time to . . . reflect and gather, and sometimes being touched makes me feel even more scattered and overwhelmed and anxious. It’s not that I don’t like your touch because I most certainly love it, but when things are going on all at once that I need to process–it’s too much for me. It’s overstimulating. Does that make sense?”
“Overstimulating?” Trish repeated. “I guess?”
“Yeah. Like . . . when you reach for my hand, or touch my arm when I have too much going on in my head, it doesn’t feel like a normal touch . . .” She tried her best to explain by taking Trish’s hand in hers and tapping all of her fingers across Trish’s skin. “It feels all zippy-zappy.” She stopped the tapping and squeezed with love. “Even though you don’t mean it to. And even though I don’t want it to.”
Hell, Sadina was still trying to understand all these feelings, herself. She’d never been more stressed than the night of the amphitheater back home and every day since had just kept compounding onto the day before it.
Trish chewed her lip.
“But,” Sadina added excitedly, “it’s not all the time. Not even close. Just lately when there’s been so much craziness. When we’re relaxed, swimming by the cliffs or taking a walk, it’s not like that. Stress and anxiety just make it—”
“All wonky bonky.”
“Totally wonky bonky.” Sadina smiled and that made Trish smile.
Trish slowly nodded. “I get it. I really do. And please don’t ever say zippy-zappy again. Only I’m allowed to make up stupid words.”
“Now that’s a deal.” Sadina reached deep into her pocket to what she had made back on the coast. “Thanks for listening and understanding. I know I’m weird.”
“You are.” Trish kissed her on the forehead. “But you’re my favorite kind of weird.”
Sadina smiled. “Here.” She handed her the gift. “I made this for you before we left on the boat. Again.” She watched anxiously as Trish slowly opened the small palm leaf–wrapped gift that Isaac helped Sadina forge. Trish lifted the necklace in front of her, wire wrapped in metal, soldered, a chunk of wood dangling from the chain. “It’s a piece of driftwood I found when Isaac and I were kidnapped that I kept. I don’t know why. I guess it was something I could carry to comfort me when we didn’t have anything. It was something that I could say,this is mine.”
“It’s . . . beautiful.” Trish examined every intricate part of the necklace with her fingers. “Thank you . . .”
“Just like this piece of driftwood was something that I could hold on to and say was mine, when I had nothing—I want you to know that our love isyours. You have it. And just like the driftwood floating itself back to the shore from wreckage, I promise to always find my way back to you. No matter what.” Sadina reached over to help Trish fasten the necklace. “The same storms that might pull us apart will also pull us closer together. Okay?” She looked at the necklace on Trish then hugged her, hard.
“Man, that’s cheesy as hell and I loved every word. And this.” Trish fingered the chunk of wood dangling from her neck. “So sometimes you need space, and I’ll give you space. Sometimes you neednotto be touched so your nervous system doesn’t go wonky bonky. And sometimes you make me freak out that we’re breaking up but then give me the most romantic thing ever. Thanks for talking.” She hugged Sadina again and whispered, “I love you.”
“I love you, too.” They kissed, and Sadina squeezed Trish even tighter, and the cheese-fest might have lasted forever if Dominic didn’t race up to the deck shouting like the cabin was on fire.
“You’ll never believe what I found!” He ran over to them, flapping his arms with a book in his hand.
