Page 31 of A Wager With A Rake
“Regards?”she sneered.Oh, that was rich.The man had her ride his fucking face the night before and the best he could leave her with sounded comparable to penning a damned letter to a man of business?
Theodosia stared at the letter, uncomprehending.The deed to Rosewood fluttered to the floor, but she barely noticed.He was gone.Court had left her after everything they had shared.The realization gave way to a profound sadness, a chasm opening in her very chest.Tears blurred her vision as she crumpled the letter in her fist.
But as swiftly as the despair had come, the searing anger also returned.How dare he creep off in the night like a rat?How could he abandon her without so much as facing her after awakening such hope, and such love, in her heart?The injustice of it all ignited a fury that burned away her tears.
If he thought for a second she would simply accept his words without finding himself burned, then he was sorely mistaken.She would make him and anyone who should encounter her regret she ever thought to love such a miserable man.
Whirling around, she stalked back up the stairs, her mind already churning with plots and schemes.Perhaps she should return to town and seek entertainment where she could immerse herself in the latest gossip and scandals.If there was nothing intriguing enough to distract her, she would invent something.She’d make them all feel as miserable in their lives as she did.If she couldn’t have happiness, then no one else deserved it either.
Reaching Court’s bedchamber, Theodosia flung open the door and stepped inside, then slammed it shut behind her.The scent of him lingered in the air, and her anger wavered, replaced by a breathtaking longing.Sinking onto his bed, she buried her face in his pillow, inhaling deeply.
She wasn’t certain how she would go on, but she knew she must.Theodosia knew she was a survivor, and she would find a way forward, even if it meant embracing the bitterness that threatened to consume her.She would become the mistress of Rosewood, envied and feared by all.If she could endure Dundas as her husband, she could push Court aside.Her time with him was yet another cruelty life had bestowed upon her, while fate laughed in her face.
And maybe, just maybe, over time, she would distract herself so much in the misery of others that she might forget the man who had shattered her heart and her dreams with a few strokes of his pen.
The next morning, after a night of fitful sleep, Theodosia donned a banyan—one she assumed was Court’s—as she paced the chamber that would become her own.She had barely slept, her mind consumed with thoughts of Court and the future he had ripped away from her.From them.
With a heavy sigh, she rang for Jean and then dressed in silence.Thankfully, Jean knew her well enough that not speaking would be the best course of action.She had already yelled at an innocent maid and immediately regretted her actions.
An hour later, after breaking her fast in the chamber staring at the bed where she’d spent the best night of her life with Court, she descended the steps of the terrace and hurried out of the house to walk the grounds.The beauty of Rosewood surrounded her, but she found no joy in it.Instead, a profound sense of emptiness filled her heart.
She had everything she’d told herself she wanted.Rosewood was hers.She was a widow with her own funds.She could wreak havoc on society and not give a damn what anyone thought.And she could invite any man she wished into her bedchamber.But the thought of being in anyone’s arms but Court’s made her stomach uneasy.
The more she walked, the more she pondered her life.Memories of her past misdeeds surfaced.The lies she had told, the pain she had caused others from her vicious tongue, the reputations she had ruined.All in the name of securing her own future.Or rather, attempting to escape her future.Perhaps it was the broken heart or the exhaustion from lack of sleep.But now, faced with the prospect of a life without Court, she saw the hollowness of her past actions.
Perhaps it was her punishment, she realized, her steps slowing.She had yet to find happiness because she didn’t deserve it.Her entire life, other than those summers with Rebecca and Court when she had been the truest version of herself, she was constantly plotting and scheming to bring others down, hoping it might somehow alter her future.And where had it gotten her?
Heartbroken and miserable.The perfect night in Court’s arms was meant to torture her.To show her what her life might have been if she hadn’t been so horrid to everyone who crossed her path.
The thought was like a bolt of lightning, illuminating the darkest corners of her soul.She could continue in her typical manner and find herself still miserable at the end, or she could do something foreign to her.Theodosia could own up to the falsehoods and the awful nature of her actions.
It went against her nature—and well beyond the anger and pain she was feeling—and was beyond foreign to her.She had never asked a single person for forgiveness.But if she wanted to change and present herself as a person deserving of love and contentment, she would have to make amends for her wrongs.
But what if they didn’t accept her apologies?
She shook off the concern.That wasn’t within her control and it was within their right to laugh in her face, but she owed all of them the apology all the same.
With renewed purpose, Theodosia turned back toward the house, her mind already running back through the list she’d started of those whom she’d wronged.
It would take her several days to accomplish her task and she’d write until her hand cramped, but she’d do what she should have done long ago.She’d let them see the side of herself she’d kept hidden.
The parts that were feeling and longed for acceptance and love.
She’d finally let them see who she truly was.
Chapter 13
Three weeks later
Court
Thecarriageswayedandcreaked as it rattled along the rutted dirt road, jostling Court from his melancholic reverie.He stared blankly out the window at the passing countryside, seeing none of it.Thoughts of Theodosia consumed his mind, as had been the case for every waking moment since he’d left her alone in bed a few weeks ago.
After fleeing Rosewood like a coward, he’d returned to his country estate and promptly drowned himself in brandy.For days, he stumbled about in a drunken haze, snapping viciously at any unfortunate servant who crossed his path.He ceased bathing and hardly ate.Nothing mattered anymore.Not without her.
Court raked a hand through his unkempt hair and sighed heavily.The heartbreak felt like a leaden weight in his chest, crushing the breath from his lungs.He wasn’t sure how he would ever recover from his never-ending longing for Theodosia.He knew it was for the best, to give her a chance at a happy life, but being apart from her was pure agony.
Closing his eyes, he pictured her lovely face—the warmth and mischief that sparkled in her stormy grey eyes when she laughed, the full lips that felt like heaven against his own, the softness of her dark curls when he’d stroked her hair.Court groaned aloud.He was ruined for anyone else.The notion of taking another woman to his bed held no appeal whatsoever.It was Theodosia he craved with every fiber of his being.
