Page 34 of A Wager With A Rake
“Help me here, Harrison,” Court pleaded.“Surely your wife is in need of her rest after your travels.”
“I’m curious to hear the answer as well,” Harrison replied, to which Rebecca gave her husband an approving grin.
Court ran his hand down his face.He was surprised he had any skin left, given how many times he had done so over the past few weeks.“Just because you two are so blissfully in love doesn’t mean that’s in the cards for everyone else.”
“And why not you, Court?Why do you resist the slightest idea of love?”
“I don’t resist it.I…” his voice trailed off, realizing he’d already said more than he wanted to.
Rebecca motioned for him to continue.“Don’t stop now.Are you telling me you just don’t have any tendre for Theodosia?And it wouldn’t bother you to know that she’d taken up with one of the men at the tavern to keep her company?”
“Tell me you are lying,” he practically shouted before he jumped up and paced the room.“She deserves to be loved and not used by some Neanderthal with wandering hands.He can’t be good enough for her.If he touched her…”
Rebecca and Harrison glanced at each other, and then Court felt their gazes burning into him.“I never said she actually did so,” Rebecca said nonchalantly.“But you have answered my question.What I don’t understand is why you areherealone and miserable, and she istherealone and miserable?”
“She’s miserable?”Court asked.
“God, you are daft, which makes you perfect for each other.Because you are both the two most blind, stubborn people I have ever met.”
“I feel as if I might have just received a compliment,” Harrison said, grinning at his wife.
Rebecca waved her husband off.“I am saying more than I ought because I don’t understand why the two of you make this harder than it needs to be.She’s in love with you.”
“What?”Court asked, his heart thundering in his chest.She loved him?
“Do I truly need to repeat myself?”
Court’s thoughts raced.As much as it made his heart swell to know that she returned his love, none of this changed anything.“I am not good enough for her, Sister.I am not good enough for anyone.”
Rebecca rose from her seat, which appeared to require a bit more effort in her condition.Harrison was fast behind her, watching her cautiously.“Why do you doubt yourself, Brother?You have truly worked so hard to become the most honorable of men.”
Court hung his head, shame and sorrow warring in his breast.If only he could believe her comforting words.If only he possessed the courage to accept Theodosia’s love.
But the wounds of the past cut deep, leaving scars of inadequacy that might never fully heal.Looking into his sister’s compassionate eyes, Court felt the first stirrings of hope, but he wasn’t convinced.
“Father,” Court said, not speaking anything else.
Rebecca rolled her eyes.“This is about him?For heaven’s sake, Court.The man was cruel to you to be certain, but he no longer walks this earth.He was wrong then, and even more wrong now.Don’t give him the satisfaction of giving his words any further attention.”
“That’s easier said than done,” Court said.He still hadn’t managed to quiet his father’s voice in his head, other than when he was with Theodosia, he supposed.“No one has ever truly believed in me, Rebecca.Father certainly never did.Society sees me as nothing more than a scoundrel.How could I not disappoint her?”
“Oh, Court, you are so much more, and you know it!Look at all the good you have done—righting Father’s wrongs, embracing Eli as our brother, falling in love, and in your own way, attempting to do the honorable thing, even if you are incorrect.These are not the actions of an unworthy man.”Rebecca’s unwavering gaze pierced through Court’s defenses.“Why do you persist in this self-flagellation, Brother?Can you not see the good in yourself that is so apparent to those who love you?”
“You have to love me,” he deadpanned.
Rebecca rolled her eyes.“But Theodosia holds no such requirement, and yet she does.She fell in love with you for being only you.No one else.No hope of some different man who would become someone else.Just you.Please don’t allow your fears to rob you both of the love you deserve.”
For the first time, he allowed his sister’s words to soak in.“You truly believe that?”
“Of course.Be my confident, charismatic brother and go seize your happiness.”
“Do you truly think she might forgive me?That she would even accept me after the way I left?”he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.
Rebecca smiled, her eyes shining with affection.“I know she will.”
As he absorbed Rebecca’s impassioned words, a small flicker of hope ignited in Court’s chest.He had thought so poorly of himself for so long.Could he see himself the way his sister did?Or, more importantly, be the man Theodosia deserved?He had to try.If not, he’d continue to live his life in misery, desperately clinging to anything that might free him from the pain of missing her.
He squared his shoulders, a new sense of determination settling over him.“You’re right, dear sister.I’ve been a fool, allowing Father’s cruel words to rule me.But no more.I must go to her.”
