Page 34 of Dating the DILF
“Have you been crying?” I feel his hand on my cheek before I see it coming. The warmth seeps into my skin and I want to sink into his touch so badly. I close my eyes and let myself indulge in the fantasy that today never happened, just for a second.
When I open my eyes, he is standing right in front of me, crowding me in the most wonderful way.
“You need to let me in, Chicago.”
His words carry so much meaning, more than he could possibly know, and I step back allowing him to come inside.
He moves through the entrance and into the living room and I follow dutifully, wanting to get this over with. Whatever happened before he met me shouldn’t be an issue in our relationship.LogicallyI know this. But emotions aren’t that straightforward and the pain I have experienced today, discovering that he might not be the person I thought he was, has made me realize that I was right. The only person you can really ever depend on is yourself and opening myself up to something more will only ever lead to heartbreak. It’s the one lesson my mother taught me, and I was stupid to forget it, no matter how briefly.
I stop behind Miles and he stands there, silently surveying the shambles in front of him. I know as soon as he spots the laptop, the screen still paused on his picnic with Karlie. His back stiffens and his head drops.
“I was going to tell you.”
I brush past him and flop down onto the sofa, slamming the laptop shut, and I pull Mintie onto my lap, letting his soft fur under my fingers comfort me. “You told me about the show.” I shrug, desperately wanting to seem unaffected.
He walks past me and takes a seat on the other end of the sofa. Leaning forward, he places his elbows on his knees and stares straight ahead.
“You had a right to know everything, not just the part that makes me look good.” He sighs and scrubs his hands over his face.
“I told you the truth. The show was a staged farce and I had no fucking clue until we were almost at the end. I kept telling them I didn’t feel a connection to any of the women. That I couldn’t see a future with any of them, and that was what I was there for.” He looks at me and his eyes are so full of despair, his pain so visceral, it feels as though someone is crushing my chest. “I had spent the last two years trying to get over losing my best friend and trying to figure out how to do the dad thing. I felt like, like…” He shakes his head, floundering. “Like I was fucking failing at life and then suddenly out of nowhere this producer contacts me, making all these promises. I was exhausted and I had never felt so alone in my life.” He visibly grimaces. “I had given up on finding someone, because who has time for that when you’re working sixty hours a week and raising a child. I didn’t have time to scratch my ass, let alone date.”
I turn around so that I am facing him and cross my legs on the sofa. Then I wait for him to continue.
“I never slept with Sophie.” He must notice my confusion because he quickly clarifies. “The makeup girl. I didn’t have an affair with her. We were friends, that’s all. She was the one who finally told me the truth, that the producers didn’t give a fuck about me finding love and the women who I thought were there for the same reasons I was, were actually there for their own careers.” He swallows harshly and I watch his Adam’s apple bob with the effort. “The entire time Harvey, the producer, was nudging me toward Aspen and Karlie, telling me they were the ones the relationship experts had agreed were the best matches for me. They both seemed nice enough. I had no idea—” His lip curls in disgust. “I had no idea that they were both actresses and their job was to get me hooked while also creating all kinds of drama in the house with the other women.”
“Were all of the women actresses?” I’m going through all the faces I can remember and trying to reconcile the fact that they were actually paid fakes.
“Or models. There was a handful who were genuine, but really, they shouldn’t have been on the show. They were a bit unbalanced, you know? Obsessive types who were fixated on marriage. I wanted them off the show straight away, but again I was encouraged to keep them because it was good for the show. Harvey told me as long as the women I knew I wanted were around, to let them take care of who would leave the show and when. I trusted him.” His voice turns bitter. “I was a jackass. I thought he was looking out for me. When Sophie finally came clean and told me the truth about the show, I felt like a fool. My dad and my brother Thomas had warned me not to do it but I had been so convinced it would be the best thing I ever did. I think I was probably delirious from exhaustion.” A small smile plays across his lips. It feels like years since I last saw him smile. How is it possible it was only last night?
“Anyway, after I learned the truth, I wanted out, but Harvey threatened me with a lawsuit if I didn’t continue. Filming those last few episodes was a nightmare. With the truth out, Harvey dropped all pretense that this show had anything to do with me. He told me what to say, how to act and who to pick. Aspen and Karlie were chosen to be the final two and I was supposed to choose Aspen. Instead, I chose neither and there was nothing they could do about it. I had filmed all the episodes so I had met my contract requirements, and they couldn’t force me to re-shoot the final one. I walked away and went back to my life. When the show started airing, it was humiliating, but I did my best to ignore it and just roll with the punches. But then the final episode aired, and the shit hit the fan.” He slumps back on the sofa and turns to look at me. “They turned me into some kind of caricature of a villain. Aspen started doing all these interviews claiming I had promised her the world when the reality was that we barely talked off camera. Then they threw Sophie under the bus and started showing all of this behind-the-scenes bullshit footage, claiming we had been sleeping together the whole time. She tried to deny it, but no one was interested in hearing it. I couldn’t say anything because there is a defamation clause in my contract, and they would have sued me.” His jaw clenches. “Suddenly I was on the cover of magazines and on entertainment news shows being portrayed as a cheating asshole who used the show to try and get famous. It was a fucking joke. My life had turned into a joke.”
Miles scoots along the sofa, moving closer to me. “I should have told you all of this, but you need to know, I’m not that guy. Everything you saw today, none of it’s real and you never need to doubt me.”
I can’t stop staring at him. He’s wearing his truth like a badge of honor and Idon’tdoubt him. Call me stupid, but I have absolute faith in his honesty.
But that’s not the point now, is it? The point is, today was a brutal reminder of the risk you have to take in every relationship. You give someone the power to decimate you and I don’t know that the reward is worth the risk.
But I am not ready to say goodbye yet. I need just a few minutes more. To look at him. To listen to him. To commit him to memory before I lose him.
I reach down and grab my wine, taking a sip before offering it to Miles. He shakes his head, so I grasp the glass tightly and hold it in my lap.
“What does your family think about what happened?” It’s the first question that comes to mind.
He turns slightly, settling into the sofa and making himself more comfortable. I like having him here, despite the tension in the room, and I am already dreading having to watch him walk out.
“Grayson thinks it’s the funniest thing ever.” A small snort escapes me as I imagine Grayson shit-stirring. “Thomas thinks it’s the perfect argument against taking risks and uses it against me regularly, and my dad just likes to pretend it never happened.” He shakes his head, wearing an ironic smile. “He has no idea that he’s the reason I did the show in the first place.”
I quirk an eyebrow. “Explain.”
“My parents had the perfect relationship. They met at my mom’s twenty-second birthday party and were married two months later. They had been married for twenty-nine years when we lost her, and I don’t remember a day ever going by with a harsh word from either of them. They were the embodiment of what love should be and I always wanted to find what they had. After Lulu was born, it felt like I had lost my chance, so when the offer for the show came up, I jumped on it.”
I’m mesmerized by his story and I wonder what it would have been like to grow up with that kind of example.
“What? You’re looking at me strangely.” An unsettled expression has slipped across his face.
“No, nothing. We just had very different childhoods, that’s all.” I offer him a small smile.
“Explain.” He throws the word back at me.
