Page 4 of Dating the DILF
“Oh my God!” She squeals and turns to her friends. “It is him!” Turning back to me, she steps closer, her body now pressed up against my thigh. “You know, there’s nothing hotter than a guy with a baby. You were so sweet with your little girl in that one episode.”
Oh, fuck no.
“Yeah, that wasn’t my daughter,” I grit out. Making sure Lulu didn’t appear on the show was the onegooddecision I made. But I know which episode she’s talking about. It was a bogus babysitting setup with Toni? I think that’s who it was anyway.
“Oh.” She shrugs, her hand sliding lower until it’s cupping my dick and she leans in, close enough to whisper suggestively. “Well, I really wanted to fuck you after that episode.”
How to go from friendly stranger to inappropriate dilfie in one easy move, ladies and gentlemen.
“Whoa, okay, slow your roll there, beautiful,” Grayson quickly interjects while I try to tamp down my annoyance. “I’m going to have to ask you to stop manhandling my brother and step away from the table.”
The look on her face is pure shock and I can’t help but chuckle as I remove her hand from my dick. “While I appreciate the offer, I’ll have to pass.”
I watch a myriad of emotions flit over her face before it settles on anger. “Whatever, you were an asshole anyway.” And she does what could only be described as flounce back to her table.
“He really is,” Gray calls out to her retreating back. “Consider yourself lucky you got away unscathed!”
She flips him the bird.
“I think I’m in love.” He clutches his chest and blows her a kiss.
I laugh at his over-the-top theatrics, grateful he is here to diffuse the situation.
“Christ, I think that’s the first time a girl’s hand on my dick has ever made my balls shrivel up.” I gulp down the rest of my beer.
“You’re clearly not hanging around the right girls then.” He grins over his drink.
“I don’t even want to know what that means, fuckface.”
“Shit, that reminds me.” Gray puts his beer down and pulls his phone out of his pocket. “I saw this on my feed today and it’s fucking hilarious. Hold, please.” He starts scrolling, his finger is flying across the screen and he’s already chuckling to himself. “Here.”
He sticks his phone under my nose, and I see an old-fashion-style wanted poster with my face on it. Apparently, I’m wanted for being a “giant douche nozzle and most likely having a small penis.” Reward is two hundred and fifty grand.
Huh, I would have thought I would be worth more than that.
I knock the phone out of his hand, and he curses at me as it lands on the table with a loud thud.
“What the fuck, man? That shit is expensive.” He snatches it back up and cradles it to his chest while throwing me a wounded look.
Asshole.
“You know.” He points at me, waving his finger almost violently. “You used to have a much better sense of humor about this shit.”
“Yeah, well, that was ten months, three million insults, two hundred and seventy-five thousand indecent proposals, one hundred and ninety thousand threats of violence, eighty-two marriage proposals, and twenty-three baby-momma offers ago.” I lean back in my chair and shake my head. “Now it doesn’t seem so funny.”
He eyes me strangely. “That’s oddly specific, but I take your point.”
“I’m just sick of everyone thinking I’m a cheating little bitch.”
“No one who knows you would ever believe that bullshit,” he counters.
“It’s not the people I know that I have to worry about.” I know he’s right. I know I shouldn’t give a fuck what people think but I went on that goddamn show in the first place because I want to find love, and for a single dad running on fumes ninety percent of the time, the offer of having it hand delivered sounded too good to be true.
That should have told me something right there.
Now, every woman I meet thinks I’m either a complete scumbag, or a quick fuck to tell her friends about.
I scrub a hand across my face and sigh. “Ignore me, I’m just feeling pissy because Harvey has been harassing me about doing a reunion show.”
