Page 109 of Captive Vows
I set the bloody blade on the table. Facing my son and my nephew, I nodded once.
“Let’s go home.”
40
GABRIELLA
Three weeks later…
It didn’t matter how I slowed down and tried to take myself back to the basics of all that I knew. It was simply a challenge to move like I used to.
“I don’t get it,” I complained quietly, more to myself than the spectators in my studio.
Last week, I went through my post-partum checkup. I was cleared to have sex, something Luka and I didn’t waste time doing that very night. I was also given the okay to dance and reintroduce more exercise into my life.
Dance was the only form of exercise I ever wanted.
Well, all right. Making love with my husband often felt like a workout too, in the best of ways.
It wasn’t as simple as I thought it might be, resuming my skills and dancing again.
I was stiff. Clumsy. Out of sync.
“What’s there to not understand?” Luka asked as he held Andre. He carried him with ease, such a confident, quick-to-help father. Sometimes, I wondered if our baby favoredhimwith howeasily he calmed for him. I knew it wasn’t true. So long as the milks jugs were on offer from me, Andre would prefer me.
“You were pregnant. You had a baby. Your body will naturally change.”
I winced, trying again to bend and sway my arms in a manner that would enable me to lead into a sequence of steps and spins.
“Yeah. My body changed.” I huffed when I couldn’t pull off what I considered a simple series in a dance I’d taught myself years ago. Cupping my breasts, I groaned. “Because of these massive things, I don’t even feel like this is my body anymore.”
He chuckled, pretending to shield Andre’s eyes. And that was a smart move. I wasn’t all that sure what two-month-olds could see. His vision had to be developing yet, but I swore he had tunnel vision for my boobs.
I smiled.
“Hey, I love those massive things.”
I rolled my eyes, frustrated by how hard it was to get back into the groove of it all. “Not as much as he does,” I joked.
“It will take time,” Luka advised sagely, patiently.
“I know. I know.” For some dumb reason, I figured I wouldn’t have lost so much. I would be patient, even if my dreams had changed. Going to Juilliard didn’t seem as important anymore. Not as much as having another baby with my husband did.
Maybe I’d get on stage later, but for now, embracing this newfound wonder of having a family was more than enough to make my heart swell with joy and love.
“I’m trying to be patient,” I admitted, not stopping and going slowly to pay attention to my body. Tendons and ligaments were impacted during a pregnancy, too, so I knew to listen to my muscles and pay attention to aches and pains before they’d cause long-term problems.
“It just reminds me of how I felt before. When I had to beg for lessons and barely get any attention to improve underinstructors.” That felt like a lifetime ago, when I had to clean that shitty apartment for Miguel to cave and pay for the bare minimum. When I was so scared after Tony almost raped me that I slept at Amy’s mom’s studio just to have shelter.
I wanted for nothing now. Luka provided me with everything I’d ever need. If I asked, he’d start back up with having instructors. He had made it clear that he would never hesitate to give me anything I wished for.
“Miguel never gave a shit about whether I improved or not. He never cared that I wanted to dance.”
Luka didn’t reply. Merely watching me stretch and warm up to try to dance, he didn’t say a single thing.
“Do you miss him?” he asked at last when I was frustrated about how slowly I was getting in the hang of this.
“Miguel?” I scoffed. “No. How could I miss the man who nearly got me killed? Who wanted to take that precious baby?”
