Page 65 of Captive Vows
Pacing in the bathroom, I tried to dispel the growing worry that the pregnancy test I had yet to take would damn me to another new identity.
It was one thing to forget about my past, to leave behind those days of wishing I could further my lessons in dance and not have to put up with my dad. Or not knowing anyone influential to help me change my life. Or not wondering when money wouldn’t be so tight and I wouldn’t go hungry.
But to think ahead and envision being the mother of a baby I’d share with a Mafia boss like Luka? That terrified me.
It was just too big of a change to accept.
I can’t be.
Life couldn’t be that wicked, that cruel.
I just couldn’t be pregnant. As if willing it not to be true, I delayed taking the test and paced. And paced some more, likemore movement would keep the likely truth and reality further away.
Physically and biologically, yes, I had high chances of this happening. Luka hadn’t once used protection of any kind with me. No protection at all. With that wild card, it was as though we were playing with the unknown.
Slumping to lean against the edge of the vanity, I stared down at the test kit again. Willing myself to just take it already wasn’t helping. The need to know burned inside me, but the fear of what could happen afterward intimidated me. My chest hadn’t been this tight with anxiety since that day Alexsei and Emil showed up to kidnap me for Luka, snatching me right out of the crummy apartment I’d shared with Dad.
Just take it.
Knowing would help.
It was the unknown that loomed so hugely and scarily.
I blinked, watching my trembling fingers as I opened the box slowly.
Yes, I wasthatnervous. No, scratch that, I was petrified.
But what did you expect? Huh?
To just fuck all the time and magically never have this happen?
Luka had his cum in me all the time. Constantly. At the rate that we couldn’t keep our hands off each other, it was almost like we were testing fate to see when, not if, I would become pregnant with his baby.
I set the box on the vanity and drew in a long, shaky breath to steady myself.
Clearly, he can’t be opposed to having a baby. If he didn’t want one, then he would’ve insisted on protection.
Right?
I swallowed hard as another, even worse, idea hit me.
Or…
I moved toward the toilet to take the test, determined not to consider the alternative. Once the test was done and I’d washed my hands, I lifted my head to stare at my reflection in the mirror.
Or…I grimaced, putting my hand on my stomach that had been off lately with most mornings presenting nausea.
Or he could just not care and plan to make me get rid of it.
Tears burned at my closed lids as I fought the idea of losing a child. To give up a baby, a new life.
I’d lost my mother far too young. My dad was never a parent to me. He’d given me away so easily, proving how little I’d ever mattered to him.
A family was one thing I never thought I’d have. Arealfamily. It had been so deeply entrenched in my soul that I’d always be alone and never have anyone to count on.
That’s not true.
I have Luka.
