Page 67 of Captive Vows
Or assume.
Or, fuck, I don’t know. Maybe he’s too busy to realize I could be skipping my periods.It hadn’t come to the point that he wanted sex and I had to explain that I wasn’t able to.
I’m pregnant.
I sat there, zoning out as that line of truth replayed in my mind like a mantra. It was just so shocking, so surreal, that I struggled to accept it. With time, though, as I steadied my breath and tried to calm down, I knew that panicking wouldn’t be wise.
I have to hide it.
Telling Luka felt like too much of a risk. It would be an enormous risk when I had no clue of what he saw happening with me in the long term. As the plan to hide this pregnancy formed in my mind, I battled the self-loathing and annoyance that I could’ve been this careless too. I was a virgin when I’d arrived, and I was obviously less experienced than Luka. But I could’ve asked about a condom, too. It was stupid of me to be so hung up on him that I neglected that all-important detail too.
Hide it. Wait and see if you can bring this up to Luka and go from there.It felt so clinical, like it was a mission, rather than the discovery of a new life to celebrate.
Just get up. Wait and see. And survive. You can do this.
I’d even do it alone if I had to.
Once I wrapped the test in paper and shoved it way down in the trash can to cover it up so the nosy housekeepers wouldn’t see it, I left the bathroom.
Two women in maid uniforms looked up when I entered the hallway. It seemed that I’d caught them mid-gossip. In this context, though, I couldn’t spare them a worry. My head was jumbled with this revelation that I’d be a mother.
That I’d bring a baby into this world.
Into this building, locked up and secure because the men who ruled here were ruthless killers and powerful leaders of crime.
Over the next couple of days, I tried my best not to show how severely this secret was eating away at me. Luka was busy, fortunately, and he didn’t seem to notice how quiet I was. I tried not to act any differently, but inside, I wasn’t the same. Instead of just dancing and looking forward to spending time with him, I was doing calculations of how far along I was and if I could ensure a healthy life for this child.
I spent time fantasizing the best- and worst-case scenarios of where I could live, how I’d raise this baby.
With Luka?
Or would he kick me out?
I refused to even consider the idea that he’d make me terminate the pregnancy. I’d run before he’d see to that.
Maybe he wouldn’t mind. After all, he does have a son. He loves Emil.
What didn’t help was the increase of gossip I overheard from the house staff. When they were near the serving quarters, in the kitchen they used, they didn’t hold back on any juicy Mafia secrets. Most of what they said didn’t matter to me. It was all irrelevant rumors about people I didn’t know. But when they talked about other crime families and how they stuck with the principle that sons were worth more than daughters, I had to cringe.
I was horrified how these people would talk so freely of how the criminal families worked and were structured.
I didn’t want my son to be a pawn or a token of leverage, expected to grow up as a killer.
I didn’t want my daughter to be raised with the expectation that she’d be sold or traded, worthy only as a virgin before being bred to have babies and heirs.
Late in the evening, when Luka was still gone with work, I did my best to stifle the tears that threatened to leak. Sitting in my room, hugging a pillow to my stomach as I watched the rain fall outside, I thought back to all I’d overheard. I ruminated on how I could figure outmyfuture.
I can’t stay.
I couldn’t bear to risk the slight possibility of Luka welcoming a child with me, only to use him or her.
I have to get out of here before he can find out.
He couldn’t know. I had to escape once and for all, no matter how much I was coming to lo?—
Stop it.
Shaking my head, I squeezed my eyes shut tighter. That couldn’t be it. I dismissed this stupid idea that I couldlovethis Mafia boss who’d taken me.
