Page 108 of Run, Run Rudolph
I let out a laugh. It hurt.
“Please, let him go,” I begged Mrs. Claus, my jaw trembling with the cold. “Punish me instead.”
“Tamara, stop,” Haden said.
“You don’t understand,” I told him, giving him a look I hoped he could read. I was not backing down. I was not going to let him lose his beautiful life, or have it tampered with because of me.
Even if it meant losing him. Even if it meant losing the love, I felt I was meant to have.
“Please,” I begged. I wasn’t even sure who I was talking to any longer. Haden? Mrs. Claus? God? Estelle? Myself?
I’d held off losing him as long as I could, but now we were at our magical crossroads, and it was time to say goodbye.
“TM, no,” he said softly, as though able to read my resolve.
“I’ll miss you,” I said into his chest, savouring the warmth coming off his body. I hugged him hard, a cold fist of dread seizing my gut as I stepped away. In my periphery, I could see Mrs. Claus raising her glowing finger, decision made.
I held in a choked sob as I released him, tears in my eyes, momentarily freezing my lashes together whenever I blinked. “Please don’t forget me. Don’t forget tonight.”
I vowed to myself that if I was still alive tomorrow, I’d find a way for us to stumble back toward the love we’d shared, no matter what.
“TM…” He reached for my hand, and I could see into those depthless eyes. I could see the love, and I held it in my heart, knowing I may not see it again.
I lifted the tips of my frozen index and middle fingers to my lips, hoping he knew I felt the same.
“Haden Powell.” Mrs. Claus said his name with the gravity of a legal summons, which, I suppose, in this world it was.
Cold dread swirled through me like an unexpected, powerful storm.
Mrs. Claus snapped her glowing red fingers. “Out!”
Haden vanished. I stumbled forward, screaming despite myself, terrified by the empty space where he’d been standing only seconds ago.
“Where did you send him?”
“I returned him to your world. And as for you…” Her finger was glowing again, matching the ruby colour blazing in her eyes.
My gaze cut to my so-called lawyer. He was currently curled up in a ball, napping in the snow, a belly full of desk.
I felt panic welling up, choking my throat, clouding my mind with fear. I’d saved Haden, but now I had to face Mrs. Claus on my own. I needed to speak up for myself, but was scared I’d do it wrong. That I’d make things worse.
I gave myself a shake. If Haden were here, he’d tell me the truth about myself and I’d believe him. Tamara Madden was no longer the sweet, quiet pushover who waited for others to determine her fate. That woman had changed. She now spoke up for herself, and for what she wanted. She was kind, generous, and strong. But most of all, she was a woman who understood Mrs. Claus’s heartbreak, and might be able to reach her beneath the tremendous burden of hurt.
“Mrs. Claus…” My voice came out clear and loud. “If I might speak before you make your final ruling? I know, from speaking to the reindeer and Hugo, that your powers are well-admired. But I’ve also heard that you haven’t had it easy.”
Her expression was stern, jaw unyielding like her gorgeous cheekbones. I blundered on, my words stumbling over each other in my haste, scared she’d dole out her punishment before I could make an argument.
“I understand how important you are to the holiday of Christmas, which is why I asked the crew to bring you to my barn. I had a feeling you were the one working tirelessly behind the scenes, making the holiday work, from creating the magical oats for the reindeer so they can fly, to other things they didn’t disclose to me.” Okay, so I was fibbing a tiny bit, but I had asked them to bring her into the loop early on, and had since realized just how vital she was to the holiday.
“I can tell that you, like so many of us women here on the non-magical earth, are not recognized. Santa gets all the credit, doesn’t he? It looks easy because of all the work you put in behind the scenes supporting him. And I know this holiday can’t happen without you, and your very special powers.”
I bowed my head. “I tried saving Christmas tonight, and I failed.” I lifted my head again. “I failed because we needed you.”
“Christmas doesn’t matter.” Her finger was still glowing, but it was no longer pointed at me.
“Yes, it does! And it’s so much more than just Santa leaving gifts for children. The spirit of the holiday starts when we’re children who believe in Santa. We may stop, but the spirit of your holiday, and the hope it brings us, stays with us. As adults, we use that spirit to make the world a better place. Christmas is a time of generosity and caring for one another.” I thought of my parents, and how their short breakup paralleled the Claus’s own fight. “It’s a time for second chances.
“If you stop what you’re doing, Mrs. Claus, the holiday will die. Generations will lose the holiday spirit, and the hope that comes with it. We will lose that belief in miracles and magic.
