Page 126 of Run, Run Rudolph
Kade.
“It wouldn’t have worked,” I said softly, worried that today my shared past with his brother might be a deal-breaker. “I was too young for you.”
“I know.” His sea cave eyes were flooded with light, and I could see the long-buried sorrow, longing, and years of denial.
But most of all, one thing. He was in love with me.
With me!
I pressed my hands on either side of Haden’s cheeks, staring into his beautiful eyes and gave him a gentle, loving kiss.
The idea that he’d wanted me all these years while I’d been figuring myself out, sent something swirling inside me.
I tried to drop my hands, but Haden clasped them, holding them against his five o’clock shadow before cupping them in front of his mouth, giving each palm a kiss.
“Is it weird that I dated your brother?” I whispered, almost afraid to ask.
“Yes.”
I sighed. He was always so honest with me. Couldn’t he have at least tried to kid me about this one thing?
“Hey.” He tipped my chin upward, so I’d look at him.
“I hate that it’s weird,” I mumbled, unable to meet his gaze.
“Does it matter?”
I nodded. What Haden thought of me had always mattered, and always would.
“Because it doesn’t matter to me,” he said.
“Are you sure?”
“TM, you’ve always deserved better than a half love, and I hope I can love you as fully as you deserve.”
A half love? That was such a perfect way of describing my relationship with Kade. He had half-loved me, and he’d half-loved our life together. And I’d half-loved him right back. The other half of our relationship had been filled with us not quite sure who we were, stuffing it full of wishes and blind stabbing around in the dark, wondering if this was what love was supposed to feel like.
“What if you and I get together and I change?” I asked.
“I hope you do. Every day.”
“What?”
“That’s what I like best about you. You’re curious about life. Everyone changes a bit if they’re still curious and growing.”
“But you’ll still be here?”
“I’ll be here no matter what today’s dream might happen to be.”
“Really?”
“That’s what love means to me.”
“You love me?” I asked shyly.
“Yes.”
It was such a rare idea, that love could stick to you no matter how much you changed.
