Page 86 of Run, Run Rudolph
“How’s it look for getting my damage deposit back when I eventually buy my own farm?”
He tipped his head to the side in thought. “Not great, but there’s still a chance if you strategically place some fruit bowls during move out—no, that won’t work. All is lost. Sorry.”
I giggled, despite my annoyance at the likelihood of losing my deposit. Especially if Carl saw the barn’s battered shingles, thanks to Blitzen and the sleigh.
Although, maybe Haden would come and fix my shingles on a nice, warm spring day. He would wear his toolbelt and jeans slung low on his hips, his white T-shirt stretching over his pecs and biceps. I’d bring him lemonade, and we’d kiss under the crabapple trees as petals from its fragrant flowers drifted down around us…
I cleared my throat and blinked away the images of him working on the barn, realizing I’d been gazing at his chest, almost drooling.
I pulled at my horse-themed Christmas sweatshirt, my earlier chill suddenly long gone.
Haden, looking at my shirt, asked, “You still want to own your own farm?”
I nodded, nibbling on the feet of my gingerbread man cookie. “A hobby farm, so just a couple of acres. Some horses, goats, chickens. Kind of like what I’ve got here. But I want to own it, so I don’t have to worry about my landlord potentially not wanting to renew my lease.”
“That’s what I imagined I’d be doing when I bought my acreage. Creating a small hobby farm.”
“Really?” There was no way he had the same little dream. The idea that we wanted the same things made my stomach feel undeniably fizzy.
“Yeah,” he said, leaning back in his chair, arms stretched overhead as he yawned. “But my work’s too unreliable to have the number of animals I want.”
“You can’t afford it?” I asked, surprised. I’d assumed he was raking in the money based on his fees. If I could afford to start my own little hobby farm, then surely he could.
Then again, I drove an old beater of a car, and maybe he’d put all his money into his fancy veterinarian truck with its mobile medical unit thingy. As well as being a sexy landowner. And then there was also his veterinarian practice, which he’d bought off a retiring veterinarian. Haden had a lot of debt, for sure.
Not to forget all those years of university.
In some ways, Haden had inspired me. I’d never wanted to go to college, but I also hadn’t known what I wanted with my life other than a few inklings. Seeing him out there, away from home, bettering himself, but still having ties to his community had intrigued me. Then when Char had moved to the city, and gotten excited about it, I’d caved. Seeing Haden and Char thrive had given me the courage to try attaining my own dream for myself.
Because who was I? What did I want?
I felt like I knew the answers now, but back then, I hadn’t yet learned to listen to myself. Or, for that fact, ask myself the right questions.
It turned out that living in the city had been a bit like dating Kade twice. Worth trying, so I’d know if it was something I truly wanted…but in the end, it wasn’t for me.
With Kade, I’d known what I wanted—love—and the second time around had confirmed that he couldn’t give me what I needed. But I’d had to try. With a stitch of nostalgia for home, and a belief that we’d both matured enough to make a relationship work, I’d come home to give us that second chance.
When I’d moved to Calgary, I knew something was missing in my life, but I hadn’t figured out what. Living with the GAL PALs away from home, I’d learned how to listen to myself. I’d discovered that I truly did belong in the country. I was okay being introverted. I wanted a horse of my own, and I craved love and a steadfast sense of belonging in a relationship. I’m not sure I would have figured that out if I hadn’t moved to the city. It likely would have just remained fuzzy little moments of unfocused wanting.
“Getting chores done in a timely manner is also difficult with my schedule,” Haden clarified. “Animals deserve better.” He looked around the room. “Speaking of animals, where is this fabled gopher I often see on social media?”
“Probably sleeping under my bed.” I was glad I’d taken in Felipe when I’d moved home. And he seemed to love it here. Strangely enough, the critter and my cat got along fine, their positions in the food chain seemingly irrelevant. “Want me to go get him?”
“Nah.” Haden gave me a slow, warm smile. “Another time.”
I liked the idea of him being a regular guest at my place.
“Where’s the turmeric?” Hugo squeaked. A moment later, orange powder surrounded him in a cloud, making him sneeze. It was a cute, small and innocent sound, so unlike the attitude the elf was so skilled at dishing out.
Haden and I shared a silent giggle, necks tucked into our collarbones so we wouldn’t get noticed by the grumpy elf.
“For some reason,” I said to Haden, once we’d recovered, “I thought you didn’t want animals. Not that I ever really thought about it. I guess I just assumed that because you take care of them all day long, when you get home, you want to do something else.”
“I’d love to have a hobby farm,” he said, acting almost embarrassed. But I could see the hint of a smile, the sparkle in his eyes as he said wistfully, “Collecting my own eggs. Maybe even making my own goat cheese.”
“Then, I suppose in order to satisfy that dream, you’ll just have to take me in along with my animals—just the cat and gopher so far, sadly. Dolly has to stay here. But we could make that hobby farm, and you’d have someone to take care of everything when you couldn’t.”
Man, that dream felt vivid, full of colour, hope and happiness.
