Page 142 of Jax
“If she’s there, if she’s alive, I need to be the one who sees her first. Not a stranger. Not a medic. Not some man in body armor with his weapon drawn. Me.”
Carrick shut his laptop harder than necessary.
“That’s not how this works,” he said. “You don’t get that moment if it compromises the team.”
“You think I’d risk that?”
“I think you’re too close to see clearly,” Niko said, low but unshakable.
Sully stepped in then, softer. “We don’t doubt your intentions. You’ve already done more than most could. But we don’t bring civilians on missions, Stella. No exceptions. That’s how people die.”
She took a breath and held it. “I wasn’t trained when they took me. I wasn’t armed or prepared. And I still survived everything inside those walls.” Her eyes flicked over the blueprints like she could see through paper into metal. “You think going back will break me. But the truth is, stayingherewill.”
That was the truth she hadn’t said aloud, the reason her hands trembled even as her words held. It wasn’t about proving anything. It was about surviving the waiting. About knowing someone might still be in there while she stood outside, safe and paralyzed.
Bellamy rose, voice steady. “She’s not wrong. You’re trying to protect her. I get it. But this isn’t protection anymore. It’s containment. And I don’t think she can survive that again.”
Niko didn’t reply. He didn’t have to.
“She’s not asking to lead,” Bellamy continued. “She’s asking to be present. To witness what comes next—because it’s hers too.”
The team shifted. Carrick folded his arms and locked his jaw, silent but not opposing. Sully stayed still, uncertain. Deacon didn’t move, didn’t blink, but I felt the way his awareness tracked every breath. And Stella, she didn’t plead or push. She stood firm, like the storm had already passed through her.
I stepped forward because someone had to carry the weight, and because I trusted myself to do it right.
“If she comes,” I said, “she stays unarmed. Doesn’t leave my side. Five paces back, no exceptions. If she hesitates, freezes, can’t follow an order—I pull her out. No questions. No pride. No argument.”
Her gaze snapped to mine, and her voice didn’t waver. “I can do that.”
Niko’s chair scraped back, his voice sharp. “No. She doesn’t go.”
Carrick’s head came up fast, eyes hard. “She’s the only one who can place it. You want to gamble blind?”
Sully muttered under his breath, hands already busy with gear checks, like movement might bleed off the pressure. Bellamy sat stiff in her chair, jaw clenched, eyes tracking Stella like she wanted to shield her with sheer will. Across from her,Deacon stayed quiet, arms folded, gaze narrowing on the table but missing nothing.
The current shifted, pulled tight. Lines were being drawn.
Stella straightened, the floor plan clutched in her hand. “You need me.” The words were too quick, too sharp, a defense sharpened into a plea. “If I’m there….”
Niko cut her off. “If you’re there, you’re a liability. We can’t watch your back and the mission at the same time. That’s the line, Stella.”
Her chest rose fast and tight, like she might explode.
I let it play, let them all run hot, until the silence between heartbeats told me it was my turn.
“She’s not trying to play hero,” I said. My voice cut clean through the noise. “This isn’t about running into the fire. It’s about control.”
The room stilled. Stella’s head snapped toward me, eyes wide, raw.
“You’re not asking to go because you think you’ll save her,” I said, steady. “You’re asking because you can’t stand the idea of being here again. Waiting. Helpless. You think standing still is the same as abandoning her. Am I wrong?”
Her breath hitched, but she didn’t deny it. Couldn’t.
I shifted, leaning forward, deliberate, grounding the air with weight. “You can’t go on the op. Niko’s right. That’s the line. But you aren’t going to be sidelined either. You’re the intel. The piece no one else has. Your body remembers details maps won’t show: the smells, the rhythms, the background noise. You feed that into the plan. You refine entry points with Carrick. Work noise profiles with Sully. Build contingencies with me.”
Her lips parted, trembling, but no words came.
“The mission doesn’t work without you, Stella.” I said. “But you don’t have to be the spear. You’re the spine.”
