Page 39 of Unless It's You
I think of a few more.
When we were out in a group, sometimes I’d still feel like I was all alone
He didn’t make me feel like myself
I don’t know exactly how to explain these. It’s just a feeling I had. Have. Which is why our breakup went so badly, with him asking me, upset and exasperated,what more do you want? How can you want more than we have?I just kind of shrugged and repeated the same thing, then eventually walked away from the situation.
The questions he asked brought up painful memories of a fight I overheard between my parents before Dad passed away.
I keep typing.
He started talking about kids, even though I’d always said no
He started talking about marriage, even though I’d always said probably not
These two felt like a betrayal. They made me feel like something was wrong with me for not wanting what so many others wanted. I questioned my reasons and almost ignored my gut.
Remember, Gemma?
There was always something missing. It wasn’t anything obvious. No big problem. But when he asked me to move in with him and started talking about kids? That was my tipping point. I’ve never wanted kids, and I thought Ben accepted that, but he didn’t, not really, because why else would he bring it up again and again?
That sucked. Him asking me to move in—which might’ve been okay, even though I was immediately freaked out—was one thing, but the kid thing was another. He started trying to convince me. Like that’s something that I would change my mind about? In my mid-thirties? The whole thing made me feel like he had never really listened to me. That he didn’t really know me.
Maybe that was my fault for not letting him in, like I do with all the guys I date, according to Reese.
I don’t want to see Ben in person. I don’t want to face him and explain everything all over again.Please, make this easy on me, Ben.
Without thinking, I click through to Ethan’s profile, staring at that tagged picture of him and Helen.
Who is Helen Jones, to have snagged Ethan Fraser? The snake stirs again. The wordluckyfloats in my mind.
What if I had ignored Gemma telling me about Ethan and Helen, and gone for Ethan instead? Would things have turned out differently for everyone involved? I picture it for a moment. Me, wrapped in Ethan’s arms instead of Ben’s. Sleeping in his bed. Kissing his mouth. Undressing him to see what he looks like underneath those button-down shirts...
Shit. I cannot keep thinking about my client like this.
But he’s more than that already, and I know it.
Hopefully, Ben responds to me right away so I can check another item off the list. I don’t like losing myself down memory lane. I don’t like questioning my past decisions, wondering if I’m really as strong a person as I thought I was.
It’s Friday night, I’m exhausted, and I can’t wait to spend another weekend relaxing and hopefully not thinking about Ben Hughes.
Or Ethan Fraser.
