Page 115 of Just One Season
As soon as I let myself think the words—embrace them—I know they’re true. I’ve been pushing them away, hiding them, trying to make them disappear, but they’ve been waiting to pop up. Waiting for the moment I let my guard down.
And that moment is now.
“Shit.” I squeeze my eyes shut.
I’m in love with Lucy Knox.
It’s been dancing around my subconscious for weeks. Months. And now it’s fully front and center.
“Everything okay?” Mel reaches a hand over and places it on my arm. I yank it away.
“Sorry. I have to go.” I stand and look over at Lachlan and the brunette and Atticus and the blonde. They’re very cozy, and I don’t want to interrupt.
“Aw, are you sure?” Mel sticks out her bottom lip and tilts her head. I’m sure that pretty face works on most men. But not me. Not tonight.
“Yeah. Have a good night.” I lift my hand to Mel and dart out of the bar.
Once outside, I flip up the hood on my sweatshirt. Fat snowflakes lazily drift from the sky. The cold air feels good. It slaps me awake. Maybe I should have worn a jacket to protect me fromthe biting winter, but I welcome the sharpness of the December air.
Why didn’t I see the truth when it was all around me? When Lucy was with me?
Because I’m sure of it now.
I spent last fall not only fake dating Lucy Knox but also falling in love with her.
Maybe I loved her instantly.
Maybe it was the second I looked up from the ice during that practice back in September and saw her chasing her dog, her belongings flying everywhere, swearing and calling for Waffles.
Or maybe it took longer.
Maybe it was when I watched her as Coach Lucy with Ava, then evolve into Ava’s friend.
Maybe it was during one of our fake dates.
Maybe it was at the retreat.
Maybe it was Thanksgiving, when I spent time with Lucy, Atticus, and their mom, and felt like they could be family.
Maybe it was during the skating lesson I gave her, or when I stole kisses from her at that one KFDPC meeting.
Maybe it was when I realized I’d trusted her from the moment I met her. With pictures of Ava, with my secrets, with my heart.
I’m now sure that none of it was fake.
But I’ve wasted all the time we had. It’ll be January in a few days, and she’ll fly to England and kick ass at her job interview for the English soccer club.
Then she’ll leave.
“Fuck!” I scream into the deserted town center. The fountain is off for the winter, the stores shuttered for the night, and no one is around at this moment.
I love her. I’m in love with her.
I clench my fists as desperation twists into knots in my chest. I unlock my car, parallel parked a few storefronts down from the town square.
It’s too late to make it work with Lucy. She’s making her dream come true. A dream that doesn’t involve me, or Ava, or MBM.
I rest my forehead on my steering wheel as a cold weight settles on my chest. Either I’m having a heart attack, or I’ve died inside.
