Page 15 of Technically Abducted
"Coffee's important," I shrug. "I need to be sharp for my clients. Can't afford to be foggy when someone's entire business is on the line."
"The chemical stimulant properties could be delivered more efficiently through direct supplementation."
I take another long sip. "If you think this is just about caffeine, you're missing the point."
"What additional purpose does it serve?"
I consider how to explain something so fundamental. "It's... ritual. Consistency. No matter how chaotic everything else gets, this process is the same every morning. Grounds, water, heat, time."
Tev'ra's head tilts slightly, the first hint of something less than perfect posture I've seen from him. "A psychological anchoring mechanism."
"If that's alien for 'something that doesn't make me want to murder people before noon,' then sure."
I finish my coffee and check the time again. Decisions need to be made.
"I need a shower," I announce, heading toward the bathroom. "And before you ask, yes, humans typically clean themselves in private."
Tev'ra nods formally. "You should proceed with your standard preparation rituals."
"Yeah, one problem with that." I pause in the doorway. "I'm not used to having an audience for my 'preparation rituals.'"
"I can maintain observational distance," he offers.
"That's not—" I stop, sighing. "Look, on Earth, humans like privacy for certain activities. Showering is one of them. So you're going to stay out here while I'm in the bathroom. Understood?"
Tev'ra's formal posture stiffens even more, if that's possible. "Privacy during hygienic maintenance is not standard in Nereidan shared environments."
"Well, it's standard in mine. Stay. Out. Here." I point to the living room for emphasis.
He inclines his head slightly. "I will comply with your cultural parameter."
I grab clean clothes from my dresser and head to the bathroom, locking the door behind me—not that a locked door would stop someone who can teleport people across galaxies, but it's the principle of the thing.
The hot water feels amazing, washing away the tension of the past hours. I stand under the spray longer than necessary, letting my mind drift. Five minutes of normal in the middle of complete insanity.
When I emerge, towel around my waist, I half expect to find Tev'ra waiting right outside the door, but he's exactly where I left him, standing in the center of the living room like a blue statue.
"Don't you ever get tired of standing?" I ask, heading back to my bedroom.
I close my bedroom door and quickly pull on jeans, but deliberately leave my chest bare as I step back into the livingroom. If I'm being dragged to an alien research vessel, I'm going to make my unwilling host as uncomfortable as possible.
As I walk past Tev'ra, I notice something I hadn't expected—a distinct bulge in the lower part of his otherwise perfectly tailored uniform. Huh. Apparently alien biology isn't so different after all.
I smirk. "Jeez, you'd think you'd never seen a half-naked human before."
Tev'ra's skin immediately flares with bright blue light, the glow pulsing from his neck up to his face. "I have not. Not in person."
That catches me off guard. I stop, turning to face him directly. "Wait, what? Then how did you know what we look like? Don't tell me you were watching porn."
The bioluminescence intensifies to an almost painful brightness, and Tev'ra's formal posture cracks just slightly—a minute shift of weight, an almost imperceptible fidget.
"Our preliminary research utilized available human digital resources," he says carefully. "Social media platforms. Entertainment media. Various... educational content."
"Oh my god." I start laughing, unable to help myself.
"The Research Collective utilized diverse information sources," Tev'ra insists, his voice strained as he struggles to maintain his formal tone. "Though I must acknowledge certain... sampling biases in our data collection methods."
This is too good. The alien who abducted me is having an awkward boner because his species learned about humans from watching porn. The universe has a sense of humor after all.
