Page 75 of Unbound By Shadows
As Selene followed Sam over the green hills surrounding Azuresong Pastures, he walked so fast she had to practically jog to keep pace. It was obvious that he was feeling down about leaving Brunie and Eldridge, but that didn’t stop her insecurity from rising up. Again, she wondered if she had done something wrong last night. He had seemed pretty damn into it, but maybe it wasn’t the same toe-curling, world-rocking experience for him as it was for her. Was he now trying to put some distance between them? She wasn’t sure how to broach the subject, so she decided to start light.
“That’s quite a lot of muffins Brunie gave you,” she said, pointing to the switch pouch. “Do I see honey tarts in there too? How do we know they won't all end up in Queen Thema's kitchen by mistake?”
Sam didn’t reply at first, only handed her a muffin. Then he said, “Yes, there are honey tarts. And one muffin did end up at Queen Thema's. Until I turned the switch pouch inside out so nothing could travel in or out of it.”
"I see," she said, feeling silly for trying to engage him to talk about muffins. She chewed as they walked. “Brunie and Eldridge are such wonderful people. I’m so glad I got to meet them.”
“As am I.”
“It must be hard to leave them. I’m guessing that’s why you seem sort of… off this morning,” she said carefully.
He didn’t respond for a moment then said, “Saying goodbye was difficult. Especially when I don’t know when our paths will cross again.”
“Why don’t you stop by on your way back to Queen Thema’s? After you’ve gotten rid of me,” she said. Since he was acting so ambivalent about what they did last night, she didn’t want to seem clingy.
“After I’ve gotten rid of you?” he repeated.
“Once I’ve gone home. You can do whatever you want once I’m out of the picture.” She tried to use a light tone to hide the dread and confusion she now felt about leaving.
The curve of Sam’s horns expanded slightly. “Are you that anxious to go back to Gaia?” he asked.
“Well, it’s my home.”
Sam’s mouth tightened “What if you had other options?”
“What options?”
“You could live in… other places. Better places. With those who would appreciate you.”
“What places? What are you talking about?”
“What sort of life do you dream of?” Sam demanded, stopping in the middle of the dirt path they followed. “If you could choose any life for yourself, what would it be?”
“I don’t know.”
“What about endless wealth, eternal comfort, power, and status?If you could live like royalty and be treated like a princess, would you choose that?”
Selene hoisted her backpack tighter to her shoulders. “I’ve never been the princess type. Why are you asking me this?”
“If you could live in a place where you would be treasured and adored with every whim met, wouldn’t you want that? You’d never get sick, never feel sorrow. Instead of mundane routine, endless obligation, and tending to your Kevin P. Norton on Gaia?”
“This conversation has turned very weird. Can we keep walking?”
Sam didn't move. “Just tell me, what sort of life do you desire?”
Selene averted her eyes. His question poked right into a tender spot—one she didn’t even know she had. “I-I don’t know. I’ve never thought about it, to be honest.”
“You’ve never thought about what life you want?”
The answer thudded deep in her chest.No, I haven’t.She hadn’t allowed herself to think about her own wants since she was very young. It had always been pointless. Unless her desires were convenient or matched up with someone else's, dwelling on what she wanted was a recipe for disappointment.
It was the reason Kevin believed his favorite restaurant was her favorite too, and why she had attended her father’s alma mater instead of going to college out of state. It was why she had grown up with a bedroom painted with the same gray used in her mother’s kitchen remodel instead of the lavender shade she had begged for. Not ever getting what she wanted had put her into a career she didn’t love, living in a city she’d never left, spending all her free time doing favors for other people.
“I guess I want a life where I’m happy,” she said vaguely.
“Happy, how?”
“Healthy. Safe. Normal things.”
