Page 109 of Only You
‘It’s not exactly a hard transition. It’s this,’ she sat the bass up so the neck pointed to the ceiling, ‘to this.’ She turned it sideways, resting the curves against her thighs. ‘And then plucking. Plus, these handy dandy frets make finding the notes much easier.’
‘So, you’re ready to plug it in,’ he suggested.
‘Absolutely not.’ She couldn’t help but smile, her first one of the day, at the sound of his laugh. She was thankful she could bask in the sound for a little while longer. She straightened up and walked her fingers along the frets of the bass, focusing on the tiny vibrations the motion caused versus the giddy feeling filling her chest. ‘Let me be delusional for a bit longer.’
‘Fine, but next week we’re plugging it in. No more running for you.’
She nodded but her smile faded, the words making a lump form in her throat. Jones noticed the change immediately, his gaze becoming cautious as he looked her up and down.
‘You okay?’
She opened her mouth to say, ‘Yes’ and continue learning ‘Feel Good Inc’ by Gorillaz, and ignore the world for a little longer. Instead, she asked, ‘You remember all of our lifetimes, right?’
Jones’s brows shot to his hairline as he leaned back against the couch. ‘As far as I know, yeah.’
She plucked the string a couple of times before removing the bass from around her neck, setting it aside. ‘Why do we fail every time?’
Jones bit the inside of his cheek, scratching the back of his neck nervously. ‘We had good reasons at the time,’ he answered politely.
‘All for them to be our downfall,’ she said flatly. ‘Nothing but bad timing and missed opportunities painted as a love story.’
‘It’s not that simple,’ Jones said, his eyes wounded. The look punched her in the gut, and she wished she could take it all back, fall back into their lesson. Yet, reality was knocking on their door, and she couldn’t take it anymore.
‘I failed,’ she whispered. ‘I can’t figure it out, which means…’
Dani’s words clogged her throat, tears that she had been holding back all afternoon escaped her eyes. Something in Jones’s eyes shattered and it was too much to witness. She laid down and stared at the bright, blue sky out the window, the wisps of clouds easing along. She took a stuttering breath.
‘Maybe I can wrap my head around the inevitable but, more than anything, I just wish I knew why,’ she settled on.
The two were quiet, letting the hum of appliances take over the conversation as the air remained tense. It felt like walking along a cliff edge, each step being monumentally important. Part of her was tempted to say the wrong thing – whatever it was – and end this friendship, go back to her original solution. Unfortunately, it hadn’t worked the first time and now that she knew Jones, it wouldn’t be the same.
It was almost unfair how easily he filled a gap in her life that wasn’t even missing. He walked into her life, changed everything, and now she had to figure out a way to live without him or live with him to an early grave. She took a deep breath, biting the inside of her cheek to hold back the tears that started to spring up again.
She tensed up at the thought just as Jones settled on the floor near her, still not touching her as if he could tell she needed space. Or maybe it would’ve been too much for him, too.
‘What are you thinking?’
Dani forced her hand to relax from the fist it formed, surrendering to the truth as she spoke.
‘That I can only imagine how great it would be if we were more than friends,’ she said quietly, as if the words would create a cosmic shift if said too loud. ‘We would be by now if we didn’t remember, just like our other lives. But I can’t get over the mortality of us. We barely get to start before everything is over and it’s not fair. Why did we have to remember now?’
‘I… honestly can’t tell you,’ he told her. ‘This lifetime has had its ups and downs with me, but I haven’t been this scared of death in a while.’
Dani was tempted to tell him she didn’t know which was worse but kept the thought to herself. She doubted it would help the hopeless conversation. They were truly damned no matter what they did. She scooted a tad bit closer to him to feel a little of the warmth radiating from him to fight the chill settling under her skin.
‘You wanna know something?’
‘What?’
‘Sometimes, I wonder if we truly experience death,’ Jones said quietly. ‘As awful, as the endings are, as soon as we close our eyes for good, we’re in new lives. Better ones than what we had before. And knowing what’s coming, in a weird way, it makes it easier for me to enjoy my life right now. The hard part is knowing I keep taking you with me.’
The lump in her throat seemed to grow and she closed her eyes, forcing it down enough to quip, ‘It’s quite the crappy consolation prize.’ Something that sounded between a snort and Jones choking lifted the tension.
‘Can’t argue with that,’ he said finally before falling into silence.
‘What if…’ Dani’s words faded as she tried to figure out what she wanted to ask. What was it all for? What was the lesson? What if he regretted meeting her?
What if this is our last life, our last chance to get it right?
