Page 113 of Only You
She looked him up and down before giggling. ‘What’s got you so on edge?’
‘I’m, uh, performing. Tonight.’ Demir motioned to the stage.
She paused before her cup could meet her lips, eyes lighting up. ‘That’s amazing!’ Suddenly, her smile fell. ‘Oh, God. I hope that’s not why he invited me tonight.’
Demir was taken aback by the words. ‘Wow.’
‘No, no.’ She shook her hand quickly. ‘I’m happy for you, honest. I was just… hoping for a different intention.’
He raised an eyebrow before looking out over the crowd for Haze. He spotted him talking to one of the other poets. However, instead of being focused on the conversation, he kept looking their way while running his hands through his slicked back hair, hands stuffed in his pockets when he wasn’t.
‘You guys are together,’ Demir concluded.
Nora sighed, taking another sip. ‘Not really. We’ve just been hanging out.’
‘Like us?’
‘Ha,’ Nora barked out. ‘No. I’ve learned my lesson.’ ‘Does he know about us?’
‘Yeah. I told him that it wasn’t serious but maybe he’s testing out the theory.’ Nora touched up her hair, a nervous habit she had, and Demir returned his attention to his equally nervous friend.
He was very familiar with jealous men, whether it was the audience in his matches or guys like Jack who glared at anyone who looked at their girl. Nothing about Haze had been resentful or possessive. The moment Demir said he wanted to perform, Haze pulled all the strings he could to get him on stage. They practised together and he pushed Demir beyond his comfort zone. He also knew how annoyingly good Haze was at noticing details, ready with advice on how to fix a problem at any given moment.
Suddenly, a wave of clarity hit him, and the corner of his lip turned up.
‘No,’ Demir said. ‘Haze is a good guy. He doesn’t hold onto stuff like that. If anything, he’s probably seeing if we’re okay. And we are.’
Nora stared at him, tilting her head as if she didn’t quite recognise him. Maybe she no longer did, but he was okay with that. He preferred it.
‘Always a good guy.’
Demir shrugged. ‘Trying to be. But he’s better.’
Nora smiled gently as she reached out to take his hand. ‘Well, in that case, I can’t wait to hear your poem.’ She squeezed it just as Haze returned.
‘All good?’
‘Yes,’ she answered. ‘Now, let’s go find a good seat.’
The wait for his turn was agonising. The trio sat in the middle of the crowd, snapping after each performer. Nora and Haze murmured to each other throughout the night, but it didn’t bother Demir; he was too busy trying to calm his nerves. He tried to picture a boxing ring, but he wasn’t trying to just survive this. This was a different type of fear and by the time they called his name, he wasn’t sure whether or not he would run out the door.
He took a deep breath, holding it as he walked up to the stage. He only released it when he got to the mic, wincing when it picked up the sound. He wasn’t sure where to put his hands and could barely look higher than the edge of the stage, the spotlight making everyone else invisible, only intimidating him more. The sudden silence made his throat tighten up, and he couldn’t help but close his eyes.
Though his mind calmed a little at the sudden darkness, his thoughts raced as he tried to figure out what the hell he was doing up here.
Tell her the truth.
The words were Haze’s but as he eased his eyes open, he could imagine Selene sitting at the edge of the crowd with the same nervous energy she’d had on the rooftop all those nights ago. With that vision, his heart calmed, and he felt he could breathe.
Then, he spoke to her, told her all the dreams he’d had for them, how much he savoured every second beside her. He allowed himself to be mad at her. He gave in to wanting her to come back. The only truth he kept for himself was how much he loved her. By the time he left the stage, the crowd snapping with a couple enthusiastic hoots, he pretended he wasn’t disappointed she wasn’t there.
He headed to the back door, trying not to look off-put by the compliments he got on his way outside. It was strange being praised for something so personal to him. The snowfall greeted him the moment he stepped out. He took a deep breath, letting the winter air fill his lungs before slowly letting it out, his restlessness leaving with it. Pulling out his cigarettes, he brought one to his mouth and lit it. His sigh created a cloud in the chilly night air just as the back door opened again.
‘Mind sparing one of those?’
Demir turned quickly to the familiar voice, his eyes going over her head at first before landing on Selene. He caught himself before his jaw could fully drop. She looked beautiful as always but subdued in a black wrap dress instead of one of her more colourful dresses under her grey winter coat. She leaned against the wall, seemingly relaxed but the awkward shift of her feet told him much more.
‘Hi,’ she said, sounding just as breathless as he felt.
