Page 43 of Only You
‘Um… sure,’ Sabine agreed.
‘Fantastic,’ Madame Roulet exclaimed, looping her arm in Sabine’s.
Hours later, Sabine was full and sipping a glass of wine as she watched Madame Roulet whoop in joy as she scored another point. For the first time in weeks, she laughed, belly ache and all.
‘Good job, Madame,’ Sabine said as she set up her next shot.
‘Well,Madame Laurent, you can afford to be generous.’ Madame Roulet wiggled her brow suggestively before taking a drink of wine. Sabine ignored the comment; she knew Madame Roulet was excited about her getting married and she didn’t want to ruin the fun.
She looked around at the garden. A month from now she may not see it again, at least not for a long time. She hated it here and yet this was the closest thing she had to a home, Madame Roulet the only person she could almost call a friend. Everything and everyone she once had was gone and everything she gained would be lost too.
‘Why the long face, my dear?’
Sabine opened her mouth to say she was worried about the wedding but, instead, she asked, ‘Was he different?’
Madame Roulet’s shot was crooked, taken aback by the unexpected question. The hostess didn’t pay any attention to the skewed ball as she turned her gaze to Sabine.
‘Who, dear?’
‘Your husband,’ she clarified. ‘The general seems so straightforward, as if he’s always been this way so, I can’t help but wonder if it was ever otherwise.’
‘Of course,’ Madame Roulet said, putting her mallet down and joining Sabine at the table. ‘People are always going to change. Why?’
‘I—’ She was tongue-tied as she tried to find a way to explain her confusion without damning herself. Madame Roulet watched her struggle before joining her at the table, pouring herself a glass of wine.
‘You know,’ she said, ‘I always found it so fascinating that you never speak in your mother tongue, even a slip here and here. I speak a little English and Spanish, but I always found the simplest question hard to answer outside of French. Do you mind… demonstrating?’ Madame Roulet gestured for her to speak. Sabine felt tears welling up but cleared her throat as she sat up. She looked around, making sure they were alone, before speaking.
‘I’m terrified,’ Sabine said in Fante. ‘I have to live my life with a man that hates what I am, even if he ignores it. The love of my life is gone. My father has given me away to this country that belonged to a mother I wasn’t allowed to remember. I am trapped and I don’t knowhow I will survive it.’
Madame Roulet nodded slowly with a glazed look. It was bittersweet, saying the words out loud but it being a secret all the same. Madame Roulet took her hand, squeezing it tightly.
‘That’s a lovely language,’ she said. ‘And to answer your question earlier, people only grow into who they really are. My husband is above board and respectable, so much so that I couldn’t believe he wanted to marry me; I was quite rambunctious, as I’m sure you realise.’ Madame Roulet’s smile fell, and her gaze grew distant.
‘When we realised I couldn’t bear children, he should have left me. At the least, have found a mistress because important men must have a legacy. Instead, he simply told me that he dealt with enough children with the military.’ She giggled fondly at the memory. ‘It should have bothered me or surprised me, but it didn’t. By the time our marriage was tested, I knew who he was. He had shown loyalty and patience a thousand times over…’ Madame Roulet took her hand. ‘I truly hope you and Lamont find love. Despite what everyone says, it makes it much easier to fight for something when it matters.’
Sabine swallowed around the lump in her throat. She already knew who Lamont was; had noticed it when they first met. She already knew she couldn’t love or fight for him. The only one she could fight for was long gone.
‘You know, you look like you could really stretch your legs,’ Madame Roulet said. ‘I suggest a quick walk before dinner. It does wonders for your health. Why, I always feel refreshed after walking through the Luxembourg Gardens.’
Sabine knew she should go on with the charade, say that she simply couldn’t before giving in to Madame Roulet’s insistence. But she was tired of pretending, so she merely said, ‘Thank you.’
Madame Roulet gave her a pitying smile, squeezing her hand before letting go. ‘Go on, then. You want to get back before dark,’ she urged. Sabine got up immediately and got her coat, slipping out the house before a maid or Cadieux could stop her.
The first few steps outside were calm. Then, she realised she was granted freedom, if only momentarily. She picked her skirt up and rushed away. Her heart beat more and more frantically the further she got from the house. Her mind clashed with the pure instinct to run and the knowledge that it was only a temporary fix. Yet, she couldn’t go back, not yet.
Navigating the maze of streets was easy. There were shops upon shops that were familiar, but she didn’t want to see anyone that would recognise her, instead heading towards the Seine River. A cool wind caressed her face as she walked along the banks. It was a nice autumn day, golden leaves scattered along the shore, the sky a bright blue. She tilted her head back, eyes slowly closing.
What she would give to stay in that moment… ‘Princess!’
Sabine’s eyes shot open, and she looked over her shoulder, freezing as she saw Damien strolling her way. He seemed so different, and it took a moment to realise he wasn’t wearing his uniform. Instead, he wore a brown day suit and boots. For a moment, she wondered if she were simply imagining him.
‘Should I wonder why Cadieux is nowhere to be found?’ Damien asked, only a few feet away.
The simple question brought Sabine back to her reality, and she scowled before walking away from him.
‘Sabine, wait.’ She ignored him as she headed across the bridge. She didn’t know what she did to anger God to give her such a bad day but she wasn’t going to take it. She heard Damien’s footsteps and wasn’t surprised when he pulled her to a stop. She pounded her fist against his chest.
‘Where the hell have you been?’ she snapped. ‘I’ve been waiting to hear from you for weeks and all of a sudden you show up now? What is wrong with you?’
