Page 19 of The Love of Our Lives
‘All right,’ he says, eyes alight.
‘Just give me ten minutes, OK?’ I say, ushering him in. As he passes me, I can smell toothpaste and a woody natural scent.
‘Have a seat,’ I say, leading him into the living room. My heart is beating very fast now. ‘Sorry, I’d offer you a drink, if I had anything in,’ I say, unsure what to do.
‘I’m OK,’ he says easily. ‘Thanks, though.’
Heading back away into the bedroom, I strip the t-shirt off as I go. I hear the creak of him walking across the living room as I pull down the shorts.
‘Can I take a look?’ he calls through.
I pause, thrown by this question, before realising he must be meaning the camera.
‘Um, sure,’ I say, even as I frown at the dresses hanging in the wardrobe. I would never have the courage to wear any of these normally, but I have to admit, that dress I had on the other day looked pretty good.
Which one tonight?
I find myself touching the buttercup-yellow one, then before I can overthink it, I’ve taken it off its hanger.
‘Wow, these are really good,’ Adam calls through.
I’m not quite sure how to reply for something I didn’t do, so I find myself replying for Emily instead. ‘Thank you.’
Pulling the dress down over my head, it slips on effortlessly, hugging my sides in all the right places, and kicking out at the waist. Stepping in front of the long mirror in the corner, I can’t deny I look nice in it, the yellow bringing out the gold in Emily’s big hazel eyes. And there’s something about speaking with her English voice and not my Scottish one that gives me an added boost of confidence too.
I’m someone else entirely tonight.
With a slight skip in my heart now, I step into some white trainers by the bed and throw a silver bag across my shoulder.
Should I apply some make-up? I barely apply it to my own face normally, let alone someone else’s, but I suppose I should try. Tentatively, I peek into the little pink case on the windowsill, look through the impressive eyeshadow palettes and striking lipsticks. I keep finding these little glimpses of another kind of life – an expensive one, which feels different from this flat.
I eventually apply a little mascara and blush, but after a quick internal debate, I decide it’s probably safer not to try anything else with so little time. The natural look will have to do.
Walking back through to the living room, Adam turns quickly from the mantlepiece.
‘Wow,’ he says, a soft smile appearing on his face, ‘you look amazing.’
My body is pumping with nerves, with anxiety, with this overwhelming feeling that this is a bad idea, and I should just tell him I can’t go anywhere. But then, I hear Jess’s words ringing in my ears.
You’re not living.
And maybe I should live a little.
While I’m here anyway.
‘Well,’ Adam says, smiling at me, ‘shall we get going?’
After a moment’s pause, I nod.
‘OK.’
CHAPTER TEN
The evening sky is a hazy blue above us, streaked with whipped-cream clouds and dotted with soaring birds. The air has that warm stillness about it, the scent of hot pavements and grass rising up around us. Adam and I are walking side by side down the street, and I can practically hear my heart thudding in my chest.
‘Did you manage to get away from him?’ he says.
I turn. ‘Who?’
