Page 36 of The Love of Our Lives
‘We’re going to start by taking our left leg, and then move it back like this.’
After a moment, I find myself hesitantly doing as she says. Heat flushes up my neck but I can’t deny that the music is pretty fun. And no one is properly looking, I guess. Notreally.
‘That’s it,’ she beams, ‘now forwards, like this.’
I copy what she does, leg back, leg forwards.
‘Now the hands.’ She raises them both up with a flick. I try to follow in time, end up pretty quickly in a tangle, but the funny thing is, I’m not sure I really care if I get it right. People are staring now but the way Charlie is so enthusiastic, so verydetermined about us dancing like this, makes me want to follow her; makes me want to have the fun she’s having.
We keep going like that for a lot of the evening, in between drinks and chatting with Adam and Sven, and some of the other clientele even get up for a bit; bob around too. And it feels so damn good to just hang out with a group of friends like this, to actually let my hair down for a moment and not think about when I need to get home or if I’ll ‘overdo’ it. Adam pulls me up for a dance too, and as he takes my hands and spins me about, I feel a rush of blood to my head. It feels good to hang out with another female again too, not just over the phone with Fran, and by some point later in the evening, with my mind hazy from alcohol, it hits me again how much I miss Jess. And Cat too.
I stop moving.
The music is still going giddily above us, but after a moment Charlie sees me and stops too.
‘You OK?’ she says, putting a hand on my arm.
‘Yup,’ I say, trying to sound upbeat, but suddenly all I can see now is Cat dancing around at one of Fraser’s gigs, Cat with her long red hair flicking up everywhere and this look of utter joy on her face.
‘I’ve . . . just got a stitch,’ I say, and walk quickly back over to the table.
Adam is chatting away with Sven when we arrive, but when he sees my face, he says, ‘Are you OK?’
‘Yes, just a little stitch,’ I repeat, as though on auto mode. ‘All good.’
But even though Adam is smiling back, I can tell he knows it’s more than that.
We walk back up the road a little later, past the elegant town houses of Charlotte Square and the grand West End buildings,up towards the grey hardness of Lothian Road. The air feels even chillier now but it’s refreshing all the same.
Adam’s walking so close to me, we could be holding hands, and I can feel that faint trace of electricity between our fingers; that sense that we could connect again at any second.
Or maybe it’s the two wines I had, I’m not sure.
I do still feel a little woozy if I’m being honest, but in an easy, hazy way.
‘So, what happened earlier when you were dancing?’ he says eventually.
I tense. ‘I don’t know,’ I say then sigh, ‘I was reminded of something difficult in the past,’ I finish truthfully.
A pause.
‘You’ll work through it,’ he says. ‘If that’s what you want.’
And just the way he says it makes me feel like there’s a chance I actually will.
‘Charlie’s great,’ I say, after a few moments.
‘Yes, she is,’ Adam says, almost proudly, and I can tell how much he thinks of her – of Sven too. It’s evident they’re like family to him and I feel sort of honoured that he’s invited me into his life like this.
‘She’s so warm,’ I say.
‘And wild?’ Adam’s eyebrows raise in humour.
‘Yes, and wild, but I sort of love that.’
‘Me too.’
We pass under some office buildings, their tall domes rising up in the sky on corners of a junction and I find myself uncertain as to whether to ask about Charlie and what she said about the cocktail. It seems a bit nosy when I’ve only just met her, but then again, she seemed very open about everything else.
