Page 55 of The Love of Our Lives
Charlie beams. ‘And what a great thing to have had.’
‘Well, yes,’ he says, and Charlie ushers us towards the middle of the honey-oak floor.
Stepping back to her place at the front, Charlie starts up a little swing music, which warbles from the speakers, and everyone almost magically starts to fall into lines across the hall. William and I take a spot in the middle, even though I actually want to go right at the back. A minute later, Charlie takes the class through some warm-up exercises, then a few little dance steps, which are easy enough to follow. My limbs start to loosen, my heart rate starts to climb.
That vision of Cat’s red hair, flying around as she loses herself in the music.
For a brief moment, I want to slow right down; stop like I did that time in the speakeasy. But then something new happens – I look down at these healthy limbs, feel this heart beating inside my chest, and suddenly it dawns on me, that instead of stopping for someone, I need to act for them instead.
Just like Cat always did for me.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Over the next few weeks, I work my way steadily through Emily’s list, and Charlie is only too happy to join in too. In a strange way, I’ve realised we’re tracking the same timeline – around August this year, she will have this baby and her whole life will change. Just like mine.
So Charlie and I start cooking classes with Sven and go climbing at an indoor centre. We try new instruments, me the guitar from the cupboard and Charlie the ukulele, because Sven had one lying around from his youth. We go out dancing until all hours of the morning and I try shots for the first time, get properly drunk and eat a 2 a.m. kebab with a more sober Charlie. And I amsoclose to sending Adam a tipsy message but somehow manage to stop myself. We go skiing on the dry ski slope at the other end of town – or rather I do, with Charlie watching happily on. And although it’s not quite the Cairngorms, yet, I know I have to start somewhere. I have to assume that Emily already skied, given the affluent crowd she ran in, but given what Fran said about her working all the time, maybe she never actually managed to go.
I put on those hiking boots at the door and Charlie and I walk up a Munro together one clear, frosty day. And as I stand there at the top, looking out across the beaten green and brown landscape, I can’t help thinking how absolutely incredible the world looks from here.
I’m a bit concerned about Charlie overexerting herself during her pregnancy, of course. But as she keeps saying, she’s still only a few months along, and the worst of the sickness has alreadypassed, so everything is fine. Sven seemed a little nervous about it initially, but when he sees how much fun we’re having, he quickly backs off. He knows I’ll look out for her, after all.
At any rate, we’re pretty limited with what we can do on the list as it’s only February and it’s still too cold for some activities. I think about jumping on a flight to continue them somewhere hot and exotic, but I’m not sure if I want to; I’m not sure I’m quite ready to, truthfully. Plus, I’m enjoying doing a lot of it in Scotland, and as I’ve learnt since I’ve been here, you don’t actually need to leave the country to have big adventures.
It’s as I’m walking towards the flat after doing another Munro with Charlie, with mud all over my boots and a lightness inside that’s just wonderful, that I see someone coming along the street from the opposite direction. My heart catches.
Adam.
The first I’ve seen of him since Christmas.
‘Hello.’ I can’t help smiling, as we come to a stop in front of each other. He’s in jeans and his old black winter jacket, a scruffy beanie on his head, and attraction floods through my body.
‘Hello,’ he says, his eyes lighting up like he’s genuinely happy to see me too. No annoyance or trace of animosity, but perhaps a hint of sadness.
‘How have you been?’ I say, once I’ve caught my breath. ‘How was the trip to Norway?’
‘Really interesting. Busy.’
He doesn’t elaborate on what busy means exactly and I don’t pry. It’s none of my business anymore, after all.
‘And you?’ he says, a touch of nerves there possibly. ‘How have you been?’
‘Oh, fine, fine. Busy.’
We both start smiling at my equally lame reply. It’s weird being awkward with each other.
‘Where have you been?’ he says, looking down at my muddy feet.
‘Up a Munro, with Charlie.’
His face lights up. ‘Sounds great. Cold?’
‘Wonderfully cold,’ I grin. ‘Freezing actually.’
‘I heard you were doing quite a bit with her recently; sounds like fun.’
‘It is. And we’re going to do a ski trip soon too,’ I say, before I can stop myself.
‘Oh yes, Sven was saying he was going.’
